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stephen sondheim - what do we do? we fly! lyrics

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[ms. mcllhenny (mr. mcllhenny)}

lloyd tells me (yes!)
“never go by plane” (mhm)
i tell lloyd (she does!)
“flying is insane” (true!)
we agree
we would rather die
we see a brochure
and sign for a tour
and what do we do? we fly!

[ms. mcllhenny -spoken-]

y’know i think it takes longer to get to the airport than it does to get to europe!

it starts the minute you check in
departure time is at noon
a cup of tea and a schneken
and quick! it’s leaving soon!
1 o’clock and you’re at the gate
2 o’clock and the flight’s still late
when you finally leave its eight
and what do we do? we fly!
(we fly!)
what do we do? we fly!

[flight attendant]
have another martini?
[ms. mcllhenny]
why of course, marcel!
[mr. mcllhenny]
everytime, honey!

[ms. mcllhenny (leona)]

i hate planes!
(i agree)
sitting three abreast
(you’re like me!)
i hate planes
(i do too)
never get a rest
(what about you?)
i hate planes

[mr. mcllhenny]
i hate
every single one
the crossing was rough
which wasn’t enough
the fun hadn’t yet begun

[ms. mcllhenny -spoken-]
on our plane, we ran into an electrical storm and there was this lady with a hearing aid!

the seat was throwing my back out
but there i was with a book
when suddenly there’s a blackout
and everywhere i look
is a close-up of doris day
ninety minutes of doris day
there was nothing to do but pray
and how do we go? we fly!
why?
how do we go? we fly!

[ms. mcllhenny -spoken-]
my mother won’t even get off the ground!
[mr. mcllhenny -spoken-]
you should see her!

[mr. mcllhenny, ms. mcllhenny (leona)]

i hate planes
(i agree)
most of all the sound
(you’re like me)
i hate planes
(have a drink)
even on the ground
(what do you think?)
can’t stand planes

[jennifer yaeger]
i hate
even more than those
the kids in the aisle
surrounding you while
their parents pretend to doze

[jennifer yaeger -spoken-]
i don’t think the airlines allow babies unless they promise to cry

the kid i noticed the first was
the one who stood on my feet
the kid i hated the worst was
the one who kicked my seat
there was one on the right who spit
there was one on the left who bit
there was one in the back i hit
but what did we do? we flew!
ooh!
what did we do? we flew!

[mr. mcllhenny -spoken-]
oh no no no i really couldn’t have another one
[ms. mcllhenny -spoken-]
it’s only water!
[mr. mcllhenny -spoken-]
okay!

[mr, ms. mcllhenny, jennifer (leona)]
i hate planes
(i agree)
never had a doubt
(you’re like me)
i hate planes
(i’m that way)
always feel a drought
(what do you say?)
can’t stand planes

[eddie yaeger]
i hate
most of all the chow
to know what is what
is difficult but
i think i’ve discovered how!

[eddie yaeger -spoken-]
you’re just about to fall asleep!
[jennifer yaeger -spoken-]
uh huh
[eddie yaeger -spoken-]
when they shove a tray at you
[jennifer yaeger -spoken-]
that’s true

[eddie yaeger]
the shiny stuff is tomatoes
the salad lies in a group
the curly stuff is potatoes
the stuff that moves is soup
anything that is white is sweet
anything that is brown is meat
anything that is grey don’t eat
but what do we do? we fly!
why?
what do we do? we fly!

-all of them talk at the same time-

[all]
you’re zooming up like a comet
your ears are starting to ring
your neighbor’s starting to vomit
there’s ice along the wing
as you wait for your palms to dry
you can see your whole life p-ss by
and they tell you it’s fun to fly
your chance of survival’s so remote
you’re far better off to cut your throat
but who has the time to take a boat
what do we do? we fly!

- stephen sondheim lyrics

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