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steven wright - friends of mine song lyrics

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this next song doesn’t go something like this
it goes exactly like this

eddy was a friend of mine
he was k!lled playing checkers
you know that term “king me”?
the other guy wasn’t sure what he said

phil was a friend of mine
he was k!lled walking into a walk in closet
he was walking way too fast
and way too far
dennis was a friend of mine
he was k!lled breaking a wishbone
n0body knows if it was an accident or suicide
they don’t know what he was wishing for

bob was a friend of mine
nothing happened to him

warren was a friend of mine
he used to play the guitar down in the subway
and then he decided to go electric
and he plugged into the third rail and he died

like my daddy used to say
“worst comes to worst we’re screwed”
he told me to think of the sunset
from the sun’s point of view
he told me i was born eight
and a half months premature

paul was a friend of mine
he was k!lled playing tag
it wasn’t really tag it was push…
near the grand canyon

when i was a little kid i had a pet possum
and he would never, ever, ever, play dead
and it p+ssed me off so much
that i k!lled him
you think that maybe, maybe i’m crazy
on a scale of one to ten six being the highest
like my daddy said
my guardian angle must be an alcoholic
he said wind chimes were for stupid people
so they’d know when there’s a breeze

thank you very much, thanks a lot

- steven wright lyrics

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