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steven wright - my grandfather lyrics

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my grandfather had a special rocking chair built that would lean forward rather than backwards so he could fake interest in any conversation

when i was little, one christmas, he gave me a box of broken glass. he gave my brother a box of band+aids. then he said, “now you two share.”

one time, he said, “steven, how old are you?” i said, “i’m five.” he said, “when i was your age, i was six.”

then he cackled madly and threw a spoon against the window

he was an odd man

he once carved a turkey out of a chicken

his will was an i.o.u

he told me, “sometimes, when you lose, you really win, like if you were playing musical electric chairs.”

one time, i told him a dream i had and i said, “what do you think that means?” and he said, “it means you were sleeping.”

i remember when he died, i was a little boy and i went to the wake with my aunt and i was kneeling down at the casket and i was looking at him inside the casket and i started thinking about my flashlight. i started thinking about the batteries inside my flashlight. then i said to my aunt, “maybe he’s not dead. maybe he’s just in the wrong way.”

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so i got off the plane and i forgot to undo my seatbelt and i’m pulling the plane through the terminal

and the wings are knocking people over. and i said, “oh, i’m sorry. i didn’t notice.”
then i almost broke both my arms trying to hold open a revolving door for someone

then i tried to hang myself with bungee cord. i kept almost dying

i have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. it’s a start

- steven wright lyrics

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