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subhas - blk101sunsetway lyrics

i fell asleep counting silhouettes
shadows from parents chest
watched them expand and contract
counted to three of those same breaths
that used suicide as threat
said they loved me back
a childhood full of regrets
i tried i couldn’t forget but the
callouses from malice and carelessness kept me numb
corralled and canv-ssed counterfeit confidence on my tongue
the forging up of my thumbs. i’m reaching now for the sun
i am the son
or accident carefully planned, born in a faraway land
learning to fight where i stand…

so the warmest welcome and salutations from
building codes and regulations
the rose that growed from concrete pavements
i need some sp-ce for contemplation
but who can dream here in this nation?
who can dream here in this nation?

[fauxe]
oooh, i’ll give a little something back
so i can get to know what it’s like to be
know that one day i’ll find it
and i’ll be right here you can see
right back to me
so i can greet you with that same smile

maybe home is a poem about cheap colognes
and dreams postponed for reasons unknown and
vacations were the trips we’d take in fits of rage
i flipped the page, from unwelcome knocks
broken clocks, fake birkenstocks
moving boxes, stray thoughts
saying kinfolk, we been broke
corbusian misanthrope, i’m losing this thing called hope
i’m usually good at coping… but
blood is thicker than water. only in certain cases
family’s loyalty till lawyers fees and court cases
really someone wins when the family feuds
they check on you when the cheque is due
the meanings that we all imbue
time travelling, now my mind is unravelling
to realise we all miss moments of missing moments of missing
listen, i put sutures ‘tween my future and my past now i’m
sticking to the task to put my pain in paragraphs

[fauxe]
one life comes too fast and i want
love, love…
and then i remind myself
this light is more than mine

internalised my inheritance as i read the loan shark calligraphy
things i’ll release in therapy, i’m taking my own liberty
to dedicate this song to the varicose veins on my mother’s feet
to the roots she sowed as she put my sisters hair in pleats
or plates of paneer and the lessons we both felt in belt
especially to the ankle monitor that kept my father from leaving
to brands it is the elixir of all-knowing
to our mutuality of being, through the paradox of seeing, and ever constant fleeing

dying to make a living
we are ten year loaners of overpriced toyotas
the broken homeowners, my brown skin filling quotas
i am not a statistic. i’m a dreamer, i’m a misfit, i’m a mystic, vicarious or voyeuristic, they couldn’t understand

in 1999, i tried jumping into my grandfather’s grave. i was seven
in 2008, i realized i would always have to punch above my weight cl-ss
in 2017, my mother asked me on the morning of my graduation what my what my major was
so i declare i don’t have homes i have addresses
so these days i’m just tryna find a home in this body
and i’ll spend the rest of my days
juggling the juxtapositions
forever wondering if i am taking up too much sp-ce
and leave with more questions than answers

a chronic overthinker with a woeful inability to cherish

- subhas lyrics

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