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subhas - feeling lyrics

[fauxe]
or maybe something else can give
it’s more than i can change…
it’s you, beautiful design
something so sublime
it’s you, beautiful design
and if it only means
to leave this earth behind
behind…

carrying a person in a pot is a different kind of pain
when his remains are in the ocean, it’s a different kind of rain
and every+time i think of you i whisper your name under my breath
i feel like this song wrote itself even before your dеath

it was you who gave me my name, subhas
you spеlt it has instead of ash, so i would always have
yet i couldn’t give you that last $100 when you asked
thoughts going through my head when i was picking up your ashes

a whatsapp update erased the last voice message you sent
so can you please come to me in a dream and call out to me again
we won’t fight this time i promise + i just miss how you say my name
things haven’t been the same since, adjusting to your absence

i know you are with your brothers now, i’m sure they missed you very much
the last time that i stroked your hair it was cold to the touch
the last time we met i took a photograph as you were leaving
something felt different + i remember mourning that evening
i still hear your breath sounds heaving
i don’t think i can unhear the sounds of my mother’s cries
or unsee preeti bending to kiss you right above your eyes
they said they saw a tear fall from your eye the night before you left

the longest time we spent together lately was the night i stood by your casket
i remember you being there the first time a dunked a basket
i watched as you were sleeping, this time i count no silhouettes
it was just me and you in that room, and all of my regrets

i think all the time about what your last thoughts might have been
was it preeti and me playing as children, was it our laughter ringing forever
was it your wedding day where you married my beautiful mother
i know you loved preeti the most, she was your little moleh
and i know you loved mom with all of your heart
i know you felt like your failed us but you will always be our father
i hope this song finds you and i hope you couldn’t be prouder

the pulp of papyrus couldn’t handle weight of my regret
and the bulk of my happiness lost when my father left

- subhas lyrics

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