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sunstained - ashes lyrics

i’m still the same sad kid that you loved
but i never loved you, just had me feeling enough
years later i don’t feel much
just thoughtful and tired and scared and worked up

there’s no balance no solace for me
i lost all my serenity at the age of 15
i still think about the way you used to look at me
and lie to myself about the way things could be

i’m shaking like a stranger
who you are now
growth in separation
the way you turned out

but i’m turning my back

it’s nothing
i won’t go back to being miserable
there’s too much to live for
to waste time planning my funeral
it’s hurtful
letting you take center in my mind
the memories are getting dull
just a sketch and i’m erasing the lines

of our past life
i grew so much and i gave it up
so i could feel fine
so i could find some f-cking balance and start living my godd-mn life

pour water on the embers
set fire to the notes
i wrote in hopes they’d help me to fall in love
but i’ve never even had something close
just been learning to cope
i spoke in fear of finding myself out
i knew i’d been feeding my doubt

when you smiled at me in the cemetery
did you honestly believe that i could manifest happiness, please
i’ve been a wreck for some days
leave my past in a haze, and my mind is a maze and my heart a blaze
my fingers trace familiar shapes on my chest
a dying sunset watch the world sleep in death oh
do you remember spending nights under the stars when we walked out in front of cars
you let me tear you apart

it’s cold outside my house
there’s no stars there’s only clouds
with you i can do without
the embers they burned out

- sunstained lyrics

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