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superfan - i’d rather hold myself (sometimes) lyrics

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i run at night two times a week
my right foot broke from anxiety
i ran this route when i was fifteen
i used to starve myself as a reason to breathe

on the same street 9/11/2020
i saw my first girlfriend then she hid from me
in the front seat of her best friend’s car
while i was smoking weed in a parking lot
of an elementary school
i thought i’d get caught trying to be cool

i wish i was pretending
that’s why i build my walls so high
excluding rejection from my life
if i just hold myself tonight
if i just hold myself tonight
i’d rather hold myself sometimes

after the first time i had s+x
i cried myself to sleep in a loft bed
still never kissed someone i’m in love with
i’d die happier if i was a virgin forever
forever

i wish i was pretending
to wear my instincts like a disguise
it’s out of fear i recognize
if i just hold myself tonight
if i just hold myself tonight
i’d rather hold myself sometimes
i’d rather hold myself tonight
if i just hold myself tonight
i’d rather hold myself tonight
do you just hold yourself sometimes?

- superfan lyrics

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