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sxdszn - christmas eve lyrics

there’s a fire underneath me and it barely keeps me focused
made me write this sh+t a thousand f+cking times until i’m noticed

how the h+ll will i continue to progress through every stage
when the thought of you just circles through my mind like every day

year ago i wrote a song about you called it ha+ nah forget it
know you hated every word, how could you be so apathetic

makes me wanna bash my head in
do not wanna think about it
you should know that i regret it
everyday and every hour

but it eats me up that i could never tell you how i feel
and all the anger when i look into the mirror makes it real

i lost all of my self control, couldn’t even think about it
put my fist into the glass by blood was leaking in the shower
get this ugly pensive feeling everytime you come around me
so now when you say that you miss me why the f+ck do i allow it

you pretend and fake care when i start to pull away
i take a chair i take a rope i place myself into a grave
but i guess i’m not prepared to take that f+cking leap of faith
but everybody is a fake, and that’s nothing to adore
and that’s probably reason i can’t be here anymore
why i’m leaving all my friends when i’m supposed to be devoted
why my family members passing and i couldn’t show emotion
why making music is the only thing that feels like ibuprofen
yeah i f+cking hate myself and now i ain’t afraid to show it
because i’m a f+cking piece of sh+t and everybody knows it

outro
“people can sometimes become stuck in their emotions. nurturing and blowing it out of proportion.”

- sxdszn lyrics

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