ten fifty nine - awake at night lyrics
[verse 1]
i’m hanging by a string
and i’m hanging by swing
with a noose around my mind
and a slide by my side
i sit at this seat and you laugh at me
[verse 2]
i think i’m in a crown
but with the giggles maybe i’m not a king but a clown
i can’t continue like this
with insecurities at risk
[verse 3]
i’m lying on the floor as a corpse
i’m screaming can you hear?
or am i too ho-rs-
to pick up this mic and share my thoughts all nice
[verse 4]
i’m sick of living so unsatisfied
god, are you awake at night?
i wanna know am i dead or alive
and why i contemplate suicide
[verse 5]
with everyone taking their life
with everyone committing suicide
how can you sleep at night?
i swear this is murder
oh god, why do we let this go further?
[verse 6]
i wanna be a lot of things, so much pent up inside of me
i wanna be stronger, too long i’ve sat here undecidedly
planning strategy, half of me know it’s all just a fallacy
failing miserably, drastically and then i crash dramatically
into a wall i’ve hit a hundred times before
and yet i still ignore the dark red blood stains on the floor
and i’m back in front of you, lord, with the blood on the floor
is the blood mine or yours? don’t wanna do this anymore
back and forth between being me and who you call me to be
you see a man free who thinks he has to buy a key
to a door but he can’t ‘cause he’s poor and he can’t
fall down anymore ‘cause he’s already on the floor
and his heart is broken and all and this is his call
but it’s more of a cry ‘cause he will try nine times
to realize nine crimes but he has more than nine lives
so he picks himself up and keeps climbing for the prize again
(oh god, we can’t let this go further)
[verse 7]
every time i feel selfish ambition is taking my vision
my crime is my sentence, repentance is taking commission
it’s taking a toll on my soul, i’m screaming submission and
i don’t know if i am dying or living
‘cause i will save a face for name’s sake
abuse a grace, take a aim to obtain a new name in a newer place
but my name is lame, i can’t walk and i ain’t the same
and my name became a new destiny to the grave and
they say the ocean’s blue but it’s black right now
in the dark, on the sand, looking out at my crowd
depression and drowning singing now the full parts
of lightning reveals where the ocean stops and the sky starts
i’ve been told by the sky that the ocean i shall win
but it’s hard for me to see where ocean stops, and where sky begins
a random strike of light reminds me of what is true
but right now the ocean is blacker than black, the sky is too
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