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the adventures of duane & brando - mario 3 lyrics

w-we’re back in this b-tch (you know we’re scratching that itch)
i’ll throw a turtle sh-ll up at you and i’ll bust your lip
third game, and f-ck getting old
all we do is fart and curse, so f-ck it, we’re golden
the king has been transformed, and toads are calling
now i’m in the gr-ss land, and luigi’s following

we’re in the gr-ss land (you’re in the gr-ss land)
i got cash in my hand (got that cash in your hand)
and i’m rolling up coins for that -ss
i got fifteen cents, and you’re all getting smashed
(you know, cause we’re swag and stuff.)
(so cool.)
(we’re getting crunk or whatever.)

oh no, desert land (why’s it gotta be so hot out here?)
this shit’s getting out of hand (most certainly!)
the sun, not my friend (oh god, why me?)
the fun just never ends (come on!)

larry and morton and wendy o
iggy, roy, lemmy, and ludwig (fo’ sho’)
they got brand new wands and shit
taking over castles, real pains in the -ss, so
i’m back with my suspenders on
gonna dust off my cap, shit, i’ll fly through the air
just like a racc–n, leaving koopalings doomed
choking on f-cking goomba boot stew

we will stomp your face (that’s right!)
into outer space
that don’t make no sense
mario bros., represent (yes it does)

(oh, great. italians.)
the name’s toad, you can call me toad
you’re up in my house now, my little humble abode
ain’t got no guest bed, guest room, not even a guest chair
no bathroom, just the three wooden chests there
so, let me guess: you’re gonna take my best shit
and peace out like “what?”, nah, kick it with me for a bit
in this kingdom, i’m largely ignored
but, yo, i got more cribs than a maternity ward
i got homes and hoes in each world, widespread
yeah, the ladies love my big old mushroom head
you want to have some fun? let me spin you some cards
my minigames bring all the boys to the yard
but what i really hope you get is nothing at all
you want to rob toad’s house? yeah, you can suck my tiny b-lls
(ba-b-lls)

swing your arms from side to side (i’m doing it!)
take a dump in your pants (i’m not doing it!)
take a step, and back again
that’s the mario dance

come on!
i’m c-c-crushing in this boot
couldn’t run and lost my frog suit
find a secret block and put this whistle on a long toot
ghosts are coming at me, gonna look ’em in the eyes
don’t you know i’m going on a boot ride? (yeah!)
check it out, i got the boot (yes you do!)
take a walk on your face (f-cking stomping ’em!)
don’t you know i got the boot? (most certainly!)
put you back in your place (w-w-wasted!)
hopping around (the boot!)
stomping the ground (the boot!)
taking you down (the boot!)
four hundred pounds (the boot!)
“actually, that’s a shoe.” (the shoe!)
n-body cares! (the boot!)
hey, look at that, i got a star, yeah!

(smoke weed everyday)
(i’ll duane “the rock” johnson.)
(dude!)
(“dude”, what?)
(really?)
(what, are you mad, bro?)
(i’m not even mad.)
(well, i’m sorry, brah, but it looks like i’m about to take you to suplex city, b-tch!)

i say, i say, i say
why you taking my star from me?
you got twenty-nine lives, man, i only got three
man, that’s bologna, your stats are below me
i’ll stick a feather in your cap and i’ll call it rigatoni

(you would call it rigatoni, you fat f-ck.)
(ah, c’mon, man, i’m not even fat! i’ve just got a lot of big bones.)
(yeah, that’s cause you’re in the dog house. learn how to string a rhyme together, f-cko.)
(oh, yeah, so original.)

hit the pow block, flip the spiked turtles over
gonna hit it right back, and i’ll take out your shoulder bone
cut it out, you f-cker, just leave me alone
i’m gonna jump on your parietal lobe
you f-cking motherf-cker!

(heh, lisa loeb.)

(smoke weed everyday)
wait a minute, there’s a secret in this tunnel
nope, piranha plant, you’re no fun
rock a tanooki like i did it for nookie
a falling statue in the air like
“you fell and you shook me!”
i’m the mustached plumber, f-cking pummel the sun
i’ll f-ck your mama in the b-tthole and go out for a fun run

he’s on a fun run! (i’m on a fun run!)
i know that! i’m not a dumb-dumb!
rocking this motherf-cker, destroying this place
john leguizamo, no ‘stache on my face
i got my hammer suit, implied facepalming steady
and i’m a-throwing shit up like mom’s spaghetti
(it’s ready!)
(booty, booty, booty)
(no!)

(my fellow koopas, the time for change is upon us!)
(the time has come to take back what is rightfully ours!)
(the time has come to take back the mushroom kingdom!)
(we will conquer all who oppose us!)
(we will never give up! we will never surrender!)
(we will clean our teeth on the bones of our enemies!)
(can you dig it?)

(weed everyday)
larry, you do nothing
nothing, you do
i’m gonna do you like a mid-level boss and not even mention you
morton’s fat, what you think about that?
i would have hit him three times, but he collapsed and had a heart attack
hey there, wendy, save those hoops for your mama
i’mma warp past the castle to avoid the drama, b-tch
iggy, you’re a nerd with a fat head
(iggy, you’re a nerd with a fat head)
roy, i’ll royally rumble your face right now
leave you rolling like a tumbleweed, tumbling down
took down lemmy, it wasn’t even a brawl
sorry, little buddy, hate to burst your b-lls
and then there’s ludwig, he doesn’t even amuse me
he ain’t nothing but a double-stomping–ss gary busey
(randy!)
(what are you doing?)
(hey, randy!)
(come on! really?)

hey, toadstool, look at me, i made it to the castle (waffles)
there wasn’t no thwomps or falling blocks on the screen i couldn’t handle (waffles)
still coming with a fireball in my hand
would have had the hammer suit, but d-mn the ice land
now to king koopa’s lair with a smile on my face
and luigi, he’s my right hand man
oh my gosh (waffles)
oh my gosh (waffles)

we’re the mario brothers, and plumbing’s our game
we’re not like the others who get all the fame
the kingdom is safe, except world three
f-ck that level, big fish scare me
you kidnapped the princess (you done f-cked up!)
now we’re coming for your motherf-cking dinosaur nuts
picking up coins, it’s time to get paid
if i wasn’t out here i’d be out getting

koopa’s coming for ya, i’d rather just ignore ya
why don’t you retire, take your fat -ss to florida
you freaking retard idiot f-g
fat motherf-cking d-ck-licking shit in a bag
you f-cking -sshole, c-cksucking b-tch–ss ho
i’ll f-ck your f-cking shit -ss, b-tch, f-ck the floor

you’re jumping on the ground, you’re about to fall through
iggy must’ve got his fat head from you
it’s time to save the princess, get out of my way
and then luigi jumped in and saved the day
(hey! bullshit!)
(hooray for luigi!)

(where my chicken wings?)

- the adventures of duane brando lyrics

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