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the black arts - christmas number one lyrics

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[verse 1: luke haines and sarah nixey, simultaneously]
we wrote it on the beach in august as the snow began to fall
a christmas number one could be a blessing for us all
we threw in a few sleigh bells and some other festive stuff
a video with artificial snow, like the devil’s own dandruff

[chorus a: sarah nixey and eddie argos]
christmas number one
christmas number one
christmas number one
merry christmas, dad
happy christmas, mum
merry christmas, everyone!
christmas number one

[verse 2: luke haines and sarah nixey, simultaneously]
we unleashed a monster with a life all of its own
everybody loved it from the youngest to the old
it was never off the radio, television or ringtones
our fairytale white merry christmas was turning into gold

[chorus a: sarah nixey and eddie argos]
christmas number one
christmas number one
christmas number one
cousins, aunties, uncles, friends
and all those we forgot to send
christmas number one

[chorus b: sarah nixey and eddie argos]
they’ll have to bring back top of the pops this christmas
top of the pops!
because we’re too big for any other show
top of the pops!
and we filled the charts with joy
in the season of noddy and roy

[spoken: sarah nixey]
then things turned ugly, it started getting weird
insisting it was father christmas, with a filthy stick-on beard
it lurked at office parties underneath the mistletoe
making obscene suggestions, and we knew it had to go

[verse 3: luke haines and sarah nixey, simultaneously]
it was a national emergency as it continued to grow
it was living up on hampstead heath in a pad on billionaires’ row
at last they called out the army to destroy our christmas smash
but it was just too big and it ate them up like a jukebox eats up cash

[spoken interlude: sarah nixey]
finally it announced it had tired of our winter climate and was off somewhere exotic
the weary nation cheered, safe in the knowledge that it was all over
it was all over, wasn’t it?
(and we filled the charts with joy in the season of noddy and roy)
i hadn’t the heart to tell them the truth

[chorus b: sarah nixey and eddie argos]
they’ll have to bring back top of the pops this christmas
top of the pops!
because we’re too big for any other show
top of the pops!
and we filled the charts with joy
in the season of noddy and roy

[chorus a: sarah nixey and eddie argos]
christmas number one
christmas number one
christmas number one
merry christmas, granddad
merry christmas, nan
great aunt maude and uncle stan!

[chorus a: sarah nixey and eddie argos]
christmas number one
christmas number one
christmas number one
merry christmas, daughter
happy christmas, son
merry christmas everyone!

[spoken: sarah nixey and ava nixey-moore]
see you next year
merry christmas and a happy new year!

- the black arts lyrics

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