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the fairview - stagnancy lyrics

feigning independence
caught a train, ignored your message
rode from quincy to alewife and back again
you’re my anti-depressant
my coffee, my cig, and the headache
i get when i act like i don’t need them
sometimes i wish i saw myself
from your point of view
but then
if you called it quits, said go f-ck yourself
i’m afraid i wouldn’t be able to blame you

when we first met
i was sleeping through high school
a creature of impulse, fueled by desire
my hair covered my eyes
to disguise my gaze on the past tense
the past tense had swept in and out
of my decision-making process
each mistake a consequence of that
you were so bold to speak to my potential
and i’ve been so behind on paying it back

are you bored of sorting through my baggage?
and when i’m inevitably tied to the tracks
of my own train of thought
will you cut the rope or turn your back to me?

cultivated codependence
called your phone, left you a message
and you showed up at my apartment again
you said “i hate when you play helpless,”
wrapped your arms around my neck and said
“i wish i saw what happens in your head.”
you see, the fear is getting comfortable
and losing my control over all my annoying habits
my tendency to panic over
every tiny detail and the sp-ce that each inhabits
i’m exhausted by the subject

are you bored of sorting through my baggage?
and when i’m inevitably tied to the tracks
of my own train of thought
will you cut the rope or turn your back to me?
are you bored of dealing with my bullsh-t?
if i’m honest, i’ve been so stagnant
barely functioning
so afraid you’ll find someone better and leave

she said “is that what you think of me?”
she said “is that what you think of me?”
she said “is that what you think of me?
is that what you think of me?
is that what you think of me?
is that what you think of me?
is that what you think?”

- the fairview lyrics

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