the lonely island - uniform on lyrics
[verse 1: andy samberg, akiva shaffer]
she said she wanna f-ck me with my uniform on
she grabbed me by the bat, now it’s going, going, gone
i never finish s-x ’cause i’m so juiced out
but she nutted three times then we bashed then i bounced
i reside in blackhawk in a big f-cking house
my community is gated ’cause i don’t strike out
got a room with a chair, got a room with a couch
got a framed photograph of the time i met alf
you know i’m not a hamburger but they call me big mac
got the one ton jimmy and the itty-bitty sack
my ball shrinky-d-nky ’cause the ‘roids so strong
but it makes the aforementioned jimmy-jam look long
the name is mark, and no i’m not mork
and yes, i eat pork ’cause it’s tasty on my fork
and no, i’m not a jork but i’ll jork it out the pork
’cause noah should have had the bash brothers on his ork
we are the perfect pair to start a new society
filled with home-run hitting gold glove goliathes
[interlude]
here’s what i found on the web for “what is the plural of goliath?”: goliaths
[verse 2: andy samberg, akiva shaffer, both]
oh, we’re goliaths, baby boy
kirk gibson’s a pariah, baby boy
i work out with a tire, baby boy
i wonder who can lift it higher, baby boy
ahh! lift that tire, b-tch
put your back in it and lift it higher, b-tchstab that needle in my -ss ’til i am rich
make me a god with the chemical sciences
ahh! baseball, baseball, he-man hit the baseball
by the power of grayskull
rip the skin off and eat the brains out the baseball
gonna run a motherf-ckin’ train on the baseball
ahh! don’t tell me to be f-cking calm
whip out my d-ck on the jumbotron
rip out my bones cause my muscles so strong
now the pain’s so bad that my motherf-cking heart stop-
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