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the narcissist cookbook - ghost stories lyrics

[verse 1]
you asked me why i love you and i said “i- i don’t know”
but i could tell you where disappointed by that answer so i carried on, i said
“i mean, i’ve loved a lot of people in my life or i thought i have, i guess i’ve written them all of when they leave or i leave them, you know because that means- doesn’t it? -that means it couldn’t have been love to begin with so why not just write it off?
sorry that’s not really answering your question
i mean i guess i thought i was so f-cking smart when you met me
when i was 23, i finally started to feel like a real person, you know?
a human being
kept the kind of secrets real people keep
told the kind of lies real people tell
and most exciting of all
i loved like i thought real people loved
never really staying anywhere, perpetually the process of going somewhere
i thought i was dark and mysterious and f-cking irresistible
now i look back on 23 year old me and i think
‘jesus christ man, what a d-ck, what a leech treating relationships like an ice-cream factory, eating all that i can handle and then throwing it all up and running away’
and, yeah, i’m not 23 anymore but i’m still me and, what’s more, i still wanna run away sometimes, a lot of times actually
in a stupid little way i do where i lock myself in my room and i watch strangers play videogames ’til my brain starts to leak all-over the sofa
and i get high and i write and i sing and i hope it still sounds good when i’m sober-
f-ck sorry, you asked me a direct question”

[verse 2]
“i guess i’m scared that i’m imaginary, that i invent myself everyday so other people don’t have to
that who i really am is secondary to what i want everyone else to see and i’m scared that i’m crazy
but god help me, i’m twice as scared i’m sane
’cause then what excuse do i have for treating people like problems that need to be solved or explained
and that’s where you come in
you came along, you taught me that people cannot be explained
that we are all ghost stories at the end of the day and maybe we should just aim to stay that way
maybe there’s a reason why we do the wonderful-horrible things we do to eachother but the reasons are too simple to be satisfying
and then we are left forgetting and re-mystifying eachother
’cause we don’t really wanna understand what makes us hurt eachother
no we don’t really wanna understand what makes us hurt eachother
ah no we don’t really wanna understand what makes us-
f-ck sorry
i mean, i’ve had a lot of trouble focusing recently
too much aspartame in the diet, i think”

[verse 3]
“to answer your question:
i love you because i have to
there is no why about it
anymore than there’s a reason why water vapor gathers in the sky
or why the nettles in the garden don’t go away no matter how much the guy downstairs tries to keep them at bay, there is no why about it
there is a how i suppose, don’t really understand it though
maybe if i dug around a bit in the soil i’d find where all this love comes from and what it’s for
but then the question would be answered
the ghost story would be over
there would be very little point to telling it anymore
right now i’m just happy to let it be
let you be you, me be me
sleep ’til noon and watch tv
make schemes together
try not to keep secrets from eachother
and just hope to god that we are right when we say
‘i love you’
‘i love you’
i just enjoy being around you
i don’t think i’m going anywhere”

- the narcissist cookbook lyrics

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