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the newfangled four - a spoonful of sugar (parody) lyrics

[intro]
every single day, rehe-rs- and never play
we find that if we don’t, the judges surely say:
“you missed a pickup there!” “you clearly need more air!”
“tune it!” “sing through it!” “you blew it!”
“no go!”

[pre-verse 1: jackson, -jake-]
i got it! (-what have you got?-)
isn’t it obvious, jake? (-i literally have absolutely no idea what it could be, you’ve given me very little context!-)
i gave you an eight-bar intro, that should’ve been plenty! (-we’ve been through this, ryan needs at least 16 bars or he gets lost!-)
w-w-wait, but you’re the one who asked? (-yeah, i was asking for ryan!-)
-he is extremely shy, and occasionally… hungry.-
my master plan!
you see:

[verse 1]
in every contest to be won, there is an element of fun
you find the fun, then snap! a 93! (golly, gee!)
yet every chord you try to sing, they never really ring
sing free– in key!– it’s very clear to see…
that…

[bridge to verse 2: jake]
hey! remember, jackson, we’ve been working on all three categories of our judging system!
right?
so i can think of no-one better to kick this whole thing off than our very own singing judge candidate: ryan!
take it away, buddy!

[verse 2]
when you croon, people shudder, and our singing score goes down
our singing score goes dow-own
singing score goes down
every word that you utter makes our singing score go down
we need more lead height, post-haste!

[bridge to verse 3: joey]
you see, the joke here is that we could score a lot higher in singing
if only jackson was just… better
little do these guys know, i’ve been an awful singer for years!
allow me to demonstrate!
(sung) ya-ha-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a, ha-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a, ya-ha-a-a-a!

[verse 3]
a quartet trying to be the best has very little time to rest
they’re practicing their authenticity (now i see)
quite intent in their pursuit
to find a joke that’s quite a hoot
sometimes, it’s best, to settle with a toot! (-toot-)

just a crude sense of humor helps the performance score go down
the performance score go dow-own
performance score go brown
just a skewed bit of humor makes the performance score go down
flush the points right down the drain!

[verse 4]
in every barbershop arrangement, opportunities abound
just waiting for their moment to be found (look around)
so if you need a holy grail
just call on aaron dale!
and hence (and hence)
you’ll find (you’ll find)
it’s perfectly designed!

[soprano solo]
ha, ah-ah-ah-ah! (don’t do it, joe!)
ho oh! (you’re not julie andrews!)
oh-oh-oh-woah! (aaaaah!)
(spoken) glad you guys could keep up with me!
’cause i know exactly what we need to do to score more points in the music category. (uh-huh!)
–exactly– what we need to do to score more points in the music category

[verse 5a]
if the song and arrangement as performed lacks a sensitive handling of musical elements such as melody, harmony, and embellishments indicative of the barbershop style, the music score goes down
the music score goes dow-own
music score goes down
if the song and arrangement as performed lacks a sensitive handling of musical elements such as melody, harmony, and embellishments indicative of the barbershop style
which can briefly be described as a style of unaccompanied vocal music, characterised by constant 4-part chords for every melody not of primarily h0m–rythmic texture!

[spoken: joey, -jackson-]
whoo! look! the music judges are salivating!
-no, they’re-they’re just drooling.-
oh

[verse 5b]
then the music score goes down
in the most delightful way!

and though we’ve learned a thing or two
we still don’t know what to do
the newfangled four!

[outro]
hope you had some fun
this song is almost done
so now we’ll get off the stage!

- the newfangled four lyrics

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