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the rifftones - car chase boogie lyrics

[intro, spoken; kevin]
this one’s for you, denise! buckle up; here we go!

[verse 1, sung]
well, whenever i feel life pushin’ me down
and i’m lookin’ in the mirror at a big ol’ frown
i take a dvd, jam it in the machine
then shuffle through the chapters till i get to my favorite scene

[chorus]
i need a car chase, baby
yeah, i’m dyin’ for a car chase, honey
well, you can keep your superheroes and your vampire teens
give me a 1968 gt mustang and steve mcqueen!

[spoken]
there he goes, flyin’ down taylor street in san francisco!

[verse 2, sung]
i love “the french connection” like a son of a gun
and “gone in 60 seconds”—the original one
i’ll take “the seven+ups”, “the driver”, and “terminator 2”
then i’ll top it all of with jake and elwood blues!

[chorus]
i need a car chase, baby (ahhh, car chase, baby)
gotta have a car chase, honey (ahhh)
michael caine in “the italian job” is the best
and so is bond in an aston martin dbs
[spoken]
daniel craig, of course! who else?

[bridge]
well, no phony wachowski cgi for me
give me de niro double clutchin’ in the streets of paree
or billy petersen, “to live and die in l.a.”
and can keep all that garbage from michael bay

[spoken]
michael who?!

[verse 3, sung]
now, i’ve collected every single car chase scene
from claude lelouch to “freebie and the bean”
to indiana jones, and you can probably guess
i got “smokey and the bandit” on laserdisc and vhs

[chorus]
i need a car chase, baby (ahhh, car chase, baby)
i gotta have a car chase, honey (ahhh)
jason bourne, dirty harry, and mad max, too
i just put “starsky and hutch” on my netflix queue!

[spoken]
what’s wrong with me?! i may be slightly obsessed!
ha+ha+ha+ha+ha+ha+ha ha! burt reynolds, he k!lls me!
[bridge, sung]
well, now, i’m outta car chases but i just can’t stop
i’m watchin’ buster keaton and the keystone cops
i’m scannin’ youtube channels and my mind is a blur
i even watched the roman chariot race in “ben+hur”

[verse 4]
well, i had to do somethin’ to feed my jones
so i got in a car chase of my own
i stole my mother’s car and put the throttle down
and i ran every single red light in town

[chorus]
well, now i’m in a car chase, baby (ahhh, car chase, baby)
i’m really in a car chase, sugar (ahhh)
i’m startin’ to think i may have gone too far
’cause there are twenty cops behind me and i’m drivin’ a smart car!

[outro, spoken; kevin, cop]
i’m in trouble! denise faraday! i’m talkin’ to you, girl! this car chase is for you! what do ya think so far? ah, i may not make it out alive, but don’t you worry! see, i’m drivin’ through upper michigan, so i probably won’t hurt anybody! might take a cow or two with me, but that’s about it!
+police sirens+
uh oh! ope! they’re catchin’ up now! thought i lost ’em at that last cracker barrel, but they’re comin’ in fast! don’t now how much longer i can hold on, denise! i think i see my vanishing point up ahead!
attention! pull your vehicle over immediately! you are endangering yourself and a lot of cattle!
ha ha ha ha! come on get me, flatfoot!
really?! “flatfoot”? who says that anymore? we +will+ apprehend you, bud! i mean, come on! you’re drivin’ a smart car! pull over!
hee hee hee hee hee! weeeeehoo!
[disclaimer, spoken; mike]
the preceding song is not intended to encourage reckless driving. all stunts were performed by trained professionals in a closed studio. we at rifftrax encourage everyone to drive safely at posted speeds, obey local traffic laws at all times, and always wear a safety belt. oh, and never +ever+ text while you’re driving. that’s just plain stupid!

- the rifftones lyrics

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