the shirehorses - tony lyrics
i’m sorry, but there’s no one here to take your call
if you’d like to leave your name and number after the tone
your call will be returned
if, at any point, you’d like to re+record your message
press ha+a+a+a+a
ha+a+a+a+ash
dear mark
hey, how are ya?
listen, if you could call me back later, i’d be most grateful
see, there’s summat i’d like to run past ya
i left two messages with your dad when i ‘phoned ya
he mustn’t have told ya
mind you, i was p+ssed at the time
he probably couldn’t make out what i was saying
like i was out of my mind
but that don’t matter, mark
i know you’re busy
but if you wouldn’t mind giving me a buzz, that’d be great
ta
anyway, how the +++k are ya?
i’m all right; thanks for askin’
i’m listenin’ to the new album by dave stewart
and that old barbara gaskin
you know, i’ve still got the squits
and a few different rash on my dangly bits
but i’m off the chemist’s to buy some canesten
three or four tubes; yeah, i reckon that should vanish ’em
all the best, tony
hey, it’s me again, mark
where was i?
oh, yeah
d’you remember when we met outside maine road
when city got drubbed by coventry?
b+st+rds!
but i thought that we could be friends
shout obscenities at the away supporters’ end
we had a chat
d’you remember? in the bogs?
then you told me to f+ck off
and snuck off out the window?
and now you won’t even return my calls
you’ve got some b+lls, radcliffe
i used to respect you, mark
i thought you were just the job
i even had your name tattooed right across my kn+b
well, a bit of your name, anyway
anyway
ta+ra, mate
all the best, tony
if you could call me back, that’d be +++++++ great
assh0l+
i’m sorry, but there’s no one here to take your call
if you’d like to leave your name and number after the tone
your call will be returned
if, at any point, you’d like to re+record your message
press ha+a+a+a+a
ha+a+a+a+ash
hey, listen here, you sn++
if you think i’ve got nowt better than to chase you
you’ve got another think coming
you +++++++ assh0l+
oh, got cut off there
where was i?
oh, yeah
you silly +++++++ sn++
why don’t you call me back?
i left all my numbers, you ignorant tw+t
bye
oh, and another thing:
if you choose to ignore me outside your gig with the family mahone at the witchwood in ashton+under+lyne
that’s up to you
but me and my dad waited outside for a quarter of an hour
we even brought you some +++++++ flowers
and it was quite nippy
the thing is
me dad only wanted you to sign his ass cheeks
he’d been looking forward to meetin’ you all +++++++ week
i don’t rate you personally
but he likes you more than i do
and he likes billy idol
up yours, tony
you ignorant +++++++ sn++
mr. “ooh, i’m gonna go ex+directory if you don’t bleedin’ leave me alone”
d’you know, this is the last time i’m gonna call?
d’you know what you mean to me, radcliffe?
f+ck all
i promise you, that’s it
finished, kaputt
you had your chance to be my mate
but now i hate your guts
so just +++k off, radcliffe
d’you understand me?
you’re meat
d’you understand?
i’m sorry, but there’s no one here to take your call
if you’d like to leave your name and number after the tone
your call will be returned
if, at any point, you’d like to re+record your message
press ha+a+a+a+a
ha+a+a+a+ash
hey, all right, mark, it’s me again
i’ve just had a half of bitter
d’you dare me to ride?
you see, i’m on my pushbike now
whilst on my mobile phone
driving at over ten miles an hour
which i don’t need to tell you is really +++++++ dangerous
ooh!
that’s my gran you can hear screaming
she’s sat on the rear mudguard
and if she falls off, you
you know, it’s all your fault
shut up, b+tch!
i’m taking her down to netto’s for a bit of shopping
anyway, where was i?
oh, yeah, you +++++++ sn++
d’you know, i’ve started listening to radio 2?
so f+ck off, you
and f+ck off, lard, too
ooh, what a horrible thought
watch where you’re going, you daft
f+cking h+ll!
erm, tony, it’s mark radcliffe here
how are you?
listen, our kid
sorry i missed you
i meant to call you back
but i, er…
ooh, i, er, i had to fix me flymo
er, anyway, you said your granny’s going through a programme of breast reduction operations
how far along is she?
look
i’m thrilled to bits that you like me sh+t
and i’m sorry if i upset your dad
i didn’t mean to make him mad
and, look, i’ve sent you a copy of the shirehorses album
with an invoice, of course
’cause i know you love the horse
but what’s all this about you having me name tattooed on your d+ck?
just the very thought of that makes me sick
and i’m sorry i did a runner at the coventry game
but it was that manic stare of yours
i thought you was insane
and no offence, like
and it doesn’t really matter
but, having heard you, tony
i’d say you’re as mad as a +++++++ hatter
and if you think you can ever be my mucker
you are wrong, you
you sad m+++++++ker
hey!
i remember, i read a story in the levenshulme bugle
about some silly m+++
who kept pestering a hugely successful disc jockey
and this +rs+hole got lippy
and decidedly c+cky
turns out the daft m+++ crashed his pushbike into a lamppost with his bleedin’ gran on the back, silly tw+t!
come to think about it, his name was
hey, it was you!
good!
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