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the showman houdeeeni - different ideas [freestyle] lyrics

[verse 1]
feening
i know i’m a weakling
i know that i’m texting you at times i should be sleeping
i know we ain’t speaking so i’m thinking bout deleting
but i said that you’re amazing
i don’t know if i should leave it

but maybe i should leave it in my head
because we’re even at the moment and i know how it should go ‘cause we’re repeating
and maybe i’m just meant to be alone because i’m needy
and always feeling doubtful about just how much you need me

but it’s too late you’re reading
thinking ‘bout the meanings
typing
i’m all on the clock becausе i’m timing
if i go offline and go to sleep then will i sleep or will i spend a night awakе and +n+lysing till i dream of what you’re writing?
i’m fighting
d+mn i shouldn’t have sent that
maybe i should send another:
“hey i never meant that
i was just so dizzy off the music when i sent that
that’s just from a song i swear some random singer said that.”

but you know that i meant that
you know how i get when i’m emotional
can’t get myself in order so i’m waiting like i couldn’t be the chef
i know what i said the time you spoke to me but i’m just feeling different over text

and maybe i’m a coward or a simp
‘cause i’m afraid to lose you
girl i know i just can’t let you go again
pity stories, girl i got a book in me
don’t look at me cause i want to forget
i look at what i sent and i regret

‘cause
why am i the one that wants to fix it
when you hurt me
and in honesty i’m feeling like the victim
i got no apologies ‘cause i’m here reminiscing
i know i was simping, showing effort like you didn’t
why am i the only one that feels like something’s missing?
you’re typing, deleting, rewriting
crafting a response, i can feel the tension rising but
it’s night time so i’m apologising like
sorry for wasting your time
and you don’t have to reply
i’s just expressing myself
i should have left it cause you left me thinking less of myself
instead of texting you, i should have just protected myself
instead of texting you, i should have just respected+

our distance without making amends
‘cause where we left it left me certain that we couldn’t be friends
and where we left it left me certain that we weren’t getting back
it had me wishing that i never let you know me like that +like d+mn

[bridge]
this is a lot, honestly

i just feel like i loved you more than you loved me. i feel like you didn’t even mean it when you said that you loved me. i feel like you didn’t even know what you were saying

but i don’t know…

i guess that’s your thing

i’ve heard some people say they’d rather have loyalty than love
‘cause love really don’t mean jack
see love is just a feeling you can love me and stab me in the back
it don’t take too much to love, you’re in love if you’re attached
but if you’re loyal you can love or hate me but still have my back
what the f+ck?

what’s the point in being loyal if they ain’t no love?

i don’t want n0body with me if they’d rather ditch me
and loyalty’s a jail cell if you ain’t really attached
i’d rather give you the freedom and see how you’d rather act

[verse 2]
so when you say you love me, do you really mean to say that you’re just feeling warm and fuzzy?
‘cause if that is what you’re meaning
then love is just a feeling
love is just approval
love is just attachment

love is just that beating in your heart when you’re attracted to someone
it’s nothing special to you, and not exclusive to us
i guess i get it now, shawty, you were never in love
you just liked me in the moment
and i gave you my trust

yeah, do you love me if you hurt me on purpose
do you love me if you made me feel worthless
do you love me if you trying to leave and saying i’ll be unhappy cause you’re unhappy with me
and saying i deserve better cause you just want me to leave

yeah, don’t tell me that you love me if you on that feelings sh+t
love is different from attachment and attraction for me, love is different from affection, s+x and texting for me, ‘cause if you love me and i love you why the f+ck would i leave?

so don’t confuse love with attraction or love and attachment or love with affection cause that’s sh+t
just know i see the love in the actions you do when you free
cause loving me is putting you aside to do it for me

me loving you is putting me aside to do it for you
no expectations
what you had only (unintelligible) love
what you had only appeared like love
but i guess that we just had different ideas of love

- the showman houdeeeni lyrics

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