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the stolen puppets - suicide note lyrics

last night i had a fight with my father
after that the day was way too gray
i spent it walking in the haze
i had a mist in my lungs for too long
it is so dense i can’t see before me
for months now i lost every sense
i can’t taste life or hear hope anymore
anything i do feels like dust about to fade away
you may be surprised by these words
maybe should i have talked to you
but telling my problems with actual words
would have made them too real and horryfying
so i will not tell them here either
i left you with mysteries
but know that i have thought about what i’m about to do
i go with regret and remorse
yet i feel no fear
i feel nothing actually, i lost it all
i see myself as a pile of feathers
with a little wind whispering on it
at first it may be pleasant but after some time
every feather has gone and just remains emptiness
as you’ll see me tomorrow i will have left this empty sh+ll
through my eyes i saw too much black
was it the way i saw it
or was it the way it was
this is yet another of the unanswered questions
the only thing to know is that it was my reality
and all the rougness that comes with it
i am once again sorry
not to leave but not to give you any explanations
i go for a good reason trust me
the world i leave will only be better
for i have caused too much harm
even to my most beloved ones
i’m not even sure i can still use this word
love and care are feelings that disappeared in me
i put myself away from those who could have helped me
so this way they will suffer less
from what i’m about to do
sometimes i may have been too brutal
and they are right to hate me
even i hate myself after all
supposing i’m able to hate anything again
but even if they do it doesn’t affect me
nothing affects me
not even the thought that i’m about to die
i’m neither glad nor happy to leave
i just don’t feel and don’t think
i guess it will make it easier
still i wish it would have been otherwise
everything that lead me here tonight
also could have get me to a sort of happiness
i crossed that a long time ago
the closest thing from happiness now
are the medicines in the sink in front of me
how ironic it is to give you death
through what usually heals your disease
that’s what i like to think
that i am about to heal a disease
what disease ? the one inside inside me ?
i think i’m the disease
i’m the parasite who get stuck to everyone
from them i sucked some fake happiness
it fed me for years but now i run out energy
am i tired to suck everything around me ?
or have i sucled until the last drop ?
i’m the one who sucks
i’m the garbage, the illness, i must go
i have broken more lives than cancer
hurt more than aid but this time i know the cure
deep inside i want
that with my departure, everything i did will disappear
i don’t want to end my life
i want to erase its consequences
and no matter who finds this letter first
hope you feel better now that i am gone
i assure you i do
the worst punishment would be i guess
that the religions were right
if there’s an h+ll, i could not care less
i already experiences worst punishment
down here on earth
if reincarnation is a thing
i want to become a tree in a next existence
with no possibility to harm anyone
with the sole purpose of making everyone breathe
my head will share the sky with the birds
and my feet will share the power of the earth
in this form, even if i die again
cut down to the ground
i wil not have any sadness
because i know i will make someone warm on winter
i wanna be a tree

- the stolen puppets lyrics

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