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the tommy lasorda experience - i can't handle my weed (live) lyrics

woke up this mornin’, sun shinin’ in my face
dragging the dog along at a leisurely pace
reached for my coffee, and a thought crossed my mind
hitting a dispose a bowl surely would be kind
smoke it!
but then i remembered, the last time i got high
i tried to join the circus as a human b+tterfly
i took five thousand dollars and put it on the knicks
hired some day laborers to show them my card tricks
another time, i thought i was ginger lynn
showered with a brillo pad and scratched up all my skin
found myself asleep in the local produce section
found a random korean guy and gave him an erection
ate a kitchen sponge, jumped off the garage roof
painted my car purple, actually told people the truth
tried to have s+x with some stuffed animals
tried to bet again after the knicks lost to to bulls
my friends all laugh, they say i crack them up
when they convince me to drink urine out of a cup
i gave myself a haircut with a pair of garden shears
posted nude pics of my mom and had her yelling in my ears
but then i remembered, the last time i got high
launched my cat off the roof because i thought that she could fly
i took fifty thousand dollars and put it on the knicks
hired some day laborers to show them my card tricks
i can’t handle my weed, it’s better i don’t smoke
reality is weird enough for me, everything’s a joke
la la la la la la la, la la la la la la
where the h+ll was i going with this?

- the tommy lasorda experience lyrics

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