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the warp zone (youtube) - harry potter recap rap (movies 1-8) lyrics

once upon a time, in 1991, lived a wizard named harry, whose dad and mum were k!lled by he-who-must-not-be-named, or voldemort for short, so harry hops on a train

off to hogwarts, meets hermione and ron, the sorting hat sorts, then they get some quidditch on, a three-headed dog, he guards the sorcerer’s stone, grants immortality to the person that owns it

harry and his friends put the dog to sleep, then fight a plant, play chess, avoid flying keys. locates quirrell, with a turban on his head, which is hiding voldemort, harry touches him, he’s dead
voldemort’s soul knocks harry out, then he’s gone, but harry is protected by a spell from his mom, which means voldemort can’t harm her only son, so i guess the story’s gonna go on and on
year two starts with a warning from a dobby, a letter stealing elf with the hopes of stopping, harry from returning, but he doesn’t follow orders. as they take a flying car from platform 9 and 3 quarters

then they crash in, get detention, a message in blood is written, “chamber of secrets has been opened beware” this only applies to enemies of the heir, and that is when the kids begin to wonder who is slytherin. harry speaks snake, which confuses them a little, then he stumbles upon the diary of tom riddle. it seems tom riddle might have k!lled moaning myrtle, who’s the ghost of a bathroom, and ginny’s in the middle of a ritual when, harry gets in, k!lls a basilisk to save future girlfriend

(harry potter’s a cl-ssic. tale of good and evil. do what is right not what is easy. unless you’re a lame muggle.)

can you believe we’re already at year 3, harry blows up aunt marge eating with the dursleys. back to hogwarts, he flees, on a knight bus, he leaves. now for some reason, dumbledore looks different to me. sirius black has escaped as a prisoner of azkaban, as a bunch of dementors fly around the place, make it dark and cold, while also sucking face and devouring souls. new defense against the dark arts: professor lupin, teaches the patronus charm, which a wizard can do when a dementor causes harm. that’s when ron’s rat bites him, rat turns into peter, sirius and lupin fight him. peter pettigrew now faces certain doom. lupin turns into a werewolf ’cause of the moon, so the rat gets away, sirius is not ok, but they turn back time and save him in replay

on to year 4, harry’s dreaming of a man, as the goblet of fire
picks four champions. it should only be three, moody makes him compete, and the deadly tri-wizard tournament can begin. save your friend from drowning once you find an egg, and the trophy’s a portkey at the end of the maze. cedric and harry both go away to a graveyard where peter pettigrew awaits. the spare gets k!lled, death eaters make it worse, voldemort gets blood to k!ll harry, but first expelliarmus vs the k!lling curse. voldemort’s wand breaks, harry leaves with a burst

i really can’t believe harry’s even still alive, gets expelled from hogwarts at the start of year 5, but the order of the phoenix help the ministry learn that voldemort is already planning a return. new
defense against the dark arts teacher seems smarmy. the kids make a secret group: dumbledore’s army. voldemort possesses harry, sirius dies, “neither can live while the other survives.”

(these films kind of seem real dark now. does everyone just die in the end? let’s not forget these movies were made as entertainment for children.)

in year 6, we learn about horcruxes. voldemort stored his soul in objects like lockets and kids. dumbledore is no more, snape comes to draco’s defense, and admits that he is the half-blood prince

polyjuice, year 7 potters now confuse the enemy, death eaters attack, and they take over the ministry. patronus in the form of a doe to a sword, risk their life, break the ice, get the sword of
gryffindor. locket is destroyed, to the wilderness we go. to master death, you need the deathly hallows: resurrection stone to resurrect ghosts. elder wand, invisibility cloak. voldemort steals the wand from dumbledore’s grave. draco turns good, and we learn that snape has been helping all along because of love for harry’s mom. so harry must die so voldemort can go away. then he comes back to life, a bunch of death eaters die. harry overpowers voldemort, pieces to the sky. 19 years later harry’s married and a father. that end the saga of harry james potter

(lots of plots and characters, did not make it in this rhyme. but that’s what you get when you recap eight films in three minutes time.)

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