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thethirdernest - i don't and i won't lyrics

[verse 1]
this ain’t exactly how this love this is supposed to go
with every mistake i make, i see the fading of her hopeful glow
emotional collateral damage and that’s what happens
when you bending over backwards to fall in love with a broken soul
all she wanna do is be the mrs. to my mr
and all she want is love but mistakes is what i give her
the tensions are growing thicker, her patience is wearing thinner
frustrations they build within her from promises undelivered
we on the same team, but i sabotage, attack from within
all the times that she relied on me and i went absent again
lapsing again, lacking again
she said “step up and be a man, motherf+cker, i’m not asking again”
and she say, “get your sh+t together before i leave you completely
i see you acting like it’s whatever, but motherf+cker you need me
i love you so i choose to ignore logical reasoning
i don’t deserve it, but i bear the burden this relationship brings me
’cause i’ve been there through the tragedies, motherf+cker, i didn’t have to me
i’ve given you my all when you ain’t even deserve half of me
you k!lling our relationship, you’re so used to catastrophe
i won’t let you take me down, i won’t let you make me a casualty
i won’t, i won’t, i won’t”
[verse 2]
and at times i feel i can’t be who she needs me to be
and that reflection that’s in the mirror gets so deceiving to me
’cause that reflection that’s staring back don’t even seem like it’s me
and at this point, i’m not even sure if i’m believing in me
’cause how do you pick up all the pieces to a shattered heart?
and can forgiveness for past decisions get us back to start?
’cause i let her down and let her down, multiple times over
with constant toxicity and break ups and times when i’ve denied closure
and that’s caused relentless hurt in me
she paid the cost and all along i wasn’t worth the fee
the tears in her eyes have got me questioning the worth of me
i love imperfectly, what hurts to see
is i was our main struggle and i was our main adversity
the pain that she sustained, i feel the same in regret
and this regret, i can’t just f+cking turn the page and forget
’cause some losses feel so colossal, you feel like you’ll never win again
a life without her is darker than this liquor that i’m swimming in
with no one to blame for the pain, i was hurting myself
and at this point, what’s the purpose of trying to work on myself?
’cause i’m alone, so who the f+ck am i supposed to turn to for help?
i couldn’t love her until i felt that i deserved it myself
and i don’t, i don’t, i don’t

- thethirdernest lyrics

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