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thiiird person - the song about eggs (ninetyninetimes) lyrics

my friend’s stealing ten dollar items from target
he’s keeping a tally til 99 times
cause target is keeping its very own tally
when he hits a felony they’ll pop him with crimes
but 99 x $10 is $990
he won’t reach $1000 if inflation stays put
i think he’s a g+nius
he’s getting so many eggs
two dozen eggs that he leaves with on foot
my friend
my “friend”

my friend’s taking half hour dumps at her workplace
“ibs”, she’s saying, so maybe it’s not
like maybe it’s slow and her boss is a jerkface
the stall could be the calmеst and quietest spot
and 99 times a half hour is part+timе
they don’t even miss the paycheck she reclaims
i think she’s a g+nius, she’s sh+tting so many eggs
two dozen eggs that her crack’s rearranged
my friend
my “friend”

my friend’s getting paid to prevent against losses
they’re watching for shrink at the front of the store
but n0body’s tracking the theft by the bosses
my friend has a subtle way to settle the score
cause ninety nine times of a hundred it’s groceries
they’re slow on the joystick so it’s just out of frame
i think they’re a g+nius
they’re missing so many eggs
two thousand fed and there’s no one to blame
but my friend
my “friend”
my friends have to work and that’s really not funny
we’re keeping a tally that grows across time
cause money is tightening and eating costs money
when there’s an inflection point we’ll probably rise
cause we give ‘em gold and they hit us with goose eggs
try goosing a goose and you f+ck with a flock
my friends know some salters
they’ve seasoned so many eggs
eggs upon eggs til we punch out their clock

my friends!
my friends!

com…rades…

- thiiird person lyrics

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