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thomas burgundy - ambivalence cove / fallin' lyrics

[part i: ambivalence cove]

[intro: narrator:]
wave two: the storm, the sea, & the family radio”

(anonymous caller)
the thing about love is, it’s a choice
but infatuation? that’s just a feeling
if you don’t choose to let each+other see your flaws
then you’ll never truly know each+other
but a real relationship is gonna magnify every strength
and weakness that you have
you might not even know yourself
until you’re seen through the eyes of someone else

[verse 1]
all that balance make your face shine
i know you don’t got time to wastе time
but this idea we’rе both looking for, it takes time
that’s why i’m hesitant
it might erase my
false perception of you
so don’t expect me to do
no jumping out the window
it stay closed, i just let the view
expose the mess in my room
i’m supposed to get to it soon
but how am i’m supposed to let you in
if i don’t make no extra room?
’cause at what point is working on myself
just avoiding disappointing someone else?
still got baggage on my bed
i’ll unpack it when i can
watch me still invite you over and just dump it on the shelf
so no you’ll never feel at home
even if you live with me it’s like i live alone
’cause vulnerability is what i’m running from
pride mixed with self+preservation + don’t know what is what
’cause i’ve given too much of myself, not enough in return
i can’t save n0body else, that’s just something i’ve learned
perhaps our expectations have gone past our limitations
all i ask+ reciprocation and a little reassurance
’cause
i just wanna trust for the first time
up and down, good and bad, best and worse sides
between infatuation and love is a blurry line
and we’ll keep dancing in the middle for a little right
[part ii: fallin’]

(leora mirai: radio host)
right by your side on 85.2 kwts
and they were right
they were right
the rain has decided to join us
and it doesn’t look like it’s leaving anytime soon
i mean it’s pouring over here
but if i do know one thing
it’s that ain’t n0body too good to get rained on
and plus, balance is necessary right?
the rain helps plants and flowers grow
the rain washes away all the funk in the streets
and ultimately, the rain serves as a reminder
that no matter what we got going on
or what we got planned
there’s always gon’ be some outside elements
that we simply can’t control
but we can control how we respond to it
and we can control if we gon’ pay attention to what it’s tryna teach us
so i’mma switch up the playlist a little
pour me another cup of this cinnamon tea
’cause it always takes me back to my childhood
i got some laker tickets to give away
stay close by your radio
i’mma get you through this aight?
who am i?
as long as you know yourself, you know who i am

[chorus: thomas burgundy]
i don’t want you to need me
i just need you to want me
i don’t want you to need me
i just need you to want me, want me

i don’t want you to need me
i just need you to want me
i don’t want you to need me
i just need you to want me, want me

(dr. drew from loveline)
what is it you’re afraid of when you get close to someone?

[verse 1: thomas burgundy]
sh+t i’m afraid of being in my pop’s position
medicating for the pain while tryna dodge addiction
not to mention both grandfathers kept the bottle with them
but i can’t knock them, everybody deal with trauma different
but sh+t that got us where it got us, didn’t it?
momma gave him an ultimatum, said, “your clock is ticking”
she said, “pick between your kids and the cough medicine”
next day he quit, but how’d i wake up in my auntie’s crib?
so the doctor’s prescription went and just robbed his children
of a father figure, most of my perspective i got from women
man, call that what you want, but all i’ve witnessed
is my mom’s resilience and how strong my sister is
but if i’m honest with you
as a man, i mean d+mn, some confidence been missing
understand though my brother and i, we was optimistic
like, at least we in touch with our feminine side
the negative side could be overcompensated masculinity
thank god i didn’t
but some days i feel like that masculinity was non+existent
some call it toxic but it’s essential when it’s properly emitted
but most of us ain’t comprehend it ’cause we never watched it happen
so i used to blame my lack of a an example for my wrong decisions
aw forget it
i’m just getting it off my chest
’cause i was feeling inadequate
’cause all these insecurities they’ve buried me while battling
these demons like it’s armageddon
arms are getting tired of holding on to all this trauma
girl if i don’t let it go
or try to resolve it
tryna involve you makes me part of the problem
repeating the cycle
leaving you to deal with all of my problems
expecting you to heal me and sh+t
girl that’s not what your job is
no one else is responsible for me but i think i’m falling
[refrain]
fallin’
for who i thought you’d be
fallin’
short of what you want from me
fallin’
way down, down, down
i might drown, drown
fallin’
for who i thought you’d be
fallin’
short of what you want from me
fallin’
way down, down, down

[chorus: thomas burgundy]
i don’t want you to need me
i just need you to want me
i don’t want you to need me
i just need you to want me, want me

i don’t want you to need me
i just need you to want me
i don’t want you to need me
i just need you to want me, want me

[outro: dr. drew from loveline]
alright let me spit it out for you
you don’t trust
and people that have trust issues
very often have significant trauma in childhood
whether it’s abandonment
whether it’s living in chaos
addicted parents
physical or s+xual abuse
whatever it might be
not being able to trust other people is a very, very serious problem
trust is necessary for intimacy
trust is necessary to build the capacity for emotional regulation
and if you really can’t tolerate closeness
because you can’t trust anyone
that’s a great indication for therapy

(stevie wonder sample)
but i’ll blame it on the sun
the sun that didn’t shine

(dr. drew from loveline)
umm, it sounds to me
like you’re trying to sabotage this thing
that you’ve been abandoned or something at some time in your life
in childhood or whatever
and you’re so freaked out about abandonment
that you’re gonna make it happen
so it doesn’t happen to you
so what happened?”

- thomas burgundy lyrics

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