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three dead trolls in a baggie - every os sucks lyrics

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you see, i come from a time in the nineteen-hundred-and-seventies when computers were used for two things – to either go to the moon, or play pong… nothing in between. y’see, you didn’t need a fancy operating system to play pong, and the men who went to the moon–god bless ’em–did it with no mouse, and a plain text-only black-and-white screen, and 32 kilobytes of ram

but then ’round ’bout the late 70’s, home computers started to do a little more than play pong… very little more. like computers started to play games, and balance checkbooks, and why you could play zaxxon on your apple ii, or… write a book! all with a computer that had 32 kilobytes of ram! it was good enough to go to the moon, it was good enough for you

it was a golden time. a time before windows, a time before mouses, a time before the internet and bloatware, and a time… before every os sucked

-sigh-

well, way back in the olden times
my computer worked for me
i’d laugh and play, all night and day
on zork i, ii and iii

the amiga, vic-20 and the sinclair ii
the trs 80 and the apple ii
they did what they were supposed to do
wasn’t much… but it was enough

but then xerox made a prototype
steve jobs came on the scene
read “of mice and menus,” windows, icons
a trash, and a bitmap screen

well stevie said to xerox
“boys, turn your heads and cough.”
and when no-one was looking
he ripped their interfaces off

stole every feature that he had seen
put it in a cute box with a tiny little screen
mac os 1 ran that machine
only cost five thousand bucks

but it was slow, it was buggy
so they wrote it again
and now they’re up to os 10
they’ll charge you for the beta, then charge you again
but the mac os still sucks

every os wastes your time
from the desktop to the lap
everything since apple dos
just a bunch of cr-p

from microsoft, to macintosh
to lih– lie– lih– lie… nux
every computer crashes
’cause every os sucks

well then microsoft jumped in the game
copied apple’s interface, with an os named
“windows 3.1” – it was twice as lame
but the stock price rose and rose

then windows 95, then 98
man solitaire never ran so great
and every single version came out late
but i guess that’s the way it goes

but that bloatware’ll crash and delete your work
nt, me, man, none of ’em work
bill gates may be richer than captain kirk
but the windows os blows!
and sucks!
at the same time!

i’d trade it in, yeah right… for what?
it’s top of the line from the compuhut
the fridge, stove and toaster, never crash on me
i should be able to get online, without a phd

my phone doesn’t take a week to boot it
my tv doesn’t crash when i mute it
i miss ascii text, and my floppy drive
i wish vic-20 was still alive…

but it ain’t the hardware, man

it’s just that every os sucks… and blows

now there’s lih-nux or lie-nux
i don’t know how you say it
or how you install it, or use it, or play it
or where you download it, or what programs run
but lih-nux, or lie-nux, don’t look like much fun

however you say it, it’s getting great press
though how it survives is anyone’s guess
if you ask me, it’s a great big mess
for elitist, nerdy shmucks

“it’s free!” they say, if you can get it to run
the geeks say, “hey, that’s half the fun!”
yeah, but i got a girlfriend, and things to get done
the linux os sucks
(i’m sorry to say it, but it does.)

every os wastes your time
from the desktop to the lap
everything since the abacus
just a bunch of cr-p

from microsoft, to macintosh
to lih-lie-lih-lie… nux
every computer crashes
’cause every os sucks

every computer crashes… ’cause every os sucks!

- three dead trolls in a baggie lyrics

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