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tim minchin - miracle, pt. 1 lyrics

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[eric]
my mummy says i’m a miracle!

[tommy]
my daddy says i’m his special little guy!
ow!

[amanda]
i am a princess

[bruce]
and i am a prince

[all girls]
mum says i’m an angel sent down from the sky!

[bruce, eric, tommy, and nigel]
my daddy says i’m his special little soldier
no one is as handsome, strong as me

[bruce]
it’s true he indulges my tendency to bulge

[bruce, eric, tommy, and nigel]
but i’m his little soldier
hup, two, four, free

[alice and hortensia]
my mummy says i’m a miracle
one look at my face and it’s plain to see
ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord
it’s been clear there’s no peer for a miracle like me
ow!

[nigel, tommy]
my daddy says i’m his special little soldier
no one is as bold or tough as me
has my daddy told ya
one day when i’m older
i can be a soldier

[nigel]
and shoot you in the face!

[party entertainer]
one can hardly move for beauty and brilliance these days
it seems that there are millions of these one-in-a-millions these days
specialness is de rigueur
above average is average. go fig-ueur!
is it some modern miracle of calculus
that such frequent miracles don’t render each one un-miraculous?

[all kids]
my mummy says i’m a miracle
one look at my face and it’s plain to see
ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord
it’s been clear there’s no peer for a miracle like me

[lavender]
my mummy says i’m a precious barrelina
she has never seen – a!
prettier barrelin–a!
she says if i’m keen, i have to cut down on the cream
but i’m a barrelina –
so give me more cake!

[couple 1]
dad 1: take another picture of our angel from this angle over here
mum 1: she is clearly more emotionally developed than her peers
both: what a dear!

[couple 2]
mum 2: that’s right, honey. look at mummy
dad 2: don’t put honey on your brother
mum 2: smile for mummy! smile for mother!
dad 2: i think he blinked
mum 2: well, take another!

[couple 3]
dad 3: have you seen his school report? he got a c on his report!
all couples: what?
dad 3: we’ll have to change his school. the teacher’s clearly falling short

[couple 4]
mum 4: he’s just delightful
dad 4: so hilarious
mum 4: and insightful

[all parents]
might she be a little brighter than her cl-ss?
oh, yes, she’s definitely advanced!

[all kids]
my mummy says i’m a miracle
one look at my face and it’s plain to see
ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord
it’s been clear there’s no peer for a miracle like me

[all parents]
take another picture of our angel from this angle over here
she is clearly more emotionally developed than her peers
what a dear!
that’s right, honey, look at mummy
don’t put honey on your brother
smile for mummy, smile for mother
i think he blinked
well, take another!

[all kids]
my mummy says i’m a –

[all]
miracle!

[all kids]
that i’m as tiny and as shiny as a –

[all]
mirror ball!
you can be all cynical
but it’s a truth empirical
there’s never been a miracle, a miracle, a miracle
as me

[mrs wormwood]
look, is this gonna take much longer, doctor? i’ve got a plane to catch at three. i’m competing in the bi-annual international amateur salsa and ballroom dancing championships in paris

[doctor]
you’re getting on a plane, mrs wormwood?

[mrs wormwood]
of course i am. i always compete, doctor. but this time, i’ve got a secret weapon. rudolpho! he’s part italian, you know. very supple. has incredible upper-body strength

[doctor]
i think we should have a talk

[mrs wormwood]
so, what is it? what’s wrong with me?

[doctor]
mrs wormwood, do you really have no idea?

[mrs wormwood]
gas?

[doctor]
mrs wormwood, i want you to think very carefully. what do you think might be the cause of – this?

[mrs wormwood]
(gasps) am i . . . am i . . . look, am i fat?

[doctor]
you’re pregnant!

[mrs wormwood]
what?!

[doctor]
you’re going to have a baby

[mrs wormwood]
but i’ve got a baby! i don’t want another one. isn’t there something you can do?

[doctor]
you’re nine months pregnant!

[mrs wormwood]
antibiotics, or . . . oh, my good lord! what about the bi-annual international amateur salsa and ballroom dancing championships?

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