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tim minchin - ten foot cock and a few hundred virgins lyrics

so you’re gonna live in paradise
with a ten-foot c-ck and a few hundred virgins

so you’re gonna live in paradise
with a ten-foot c-ck and a few hundred virgins
so you’re gonna sacrifice your life
for a ride on a ufo
and when the lord comes down with his shimmering chariot of salvation
you’re gonna be the first to know

and so if
god was there from the very beginning
he invented men and women
then he also invented w-nking
then he said w-nking was sinning
so now if i’m feeling randy
i’m not allowed a hand shandy
but having s-x with my family
that is just f-cking great
it’s all there in ezekiel 8
just before he opens up his big pearly gates
and says that it’s a sin
to take it up the date
even if it’s great
even with your cowboy mate

so you’re gonna live in paradise
with a ten-foot c-ck and a few hundred virgins
so you’re gonna sacrifice your life
for a shot at the greener gr-ss
and when the lord comes down with his shiny rod of judgement
he’s gonna kick my heathen -ss

so if you
cover the bodies of your women
everybody is grinnin’
because black is so slimmin’
though it’s not great for swimmin’
but it gives you an erection
with the increased s-xual tension
what with the uv protection
that is second to none
you’ll find it all in the koran
just next to the bit that justifies guns
and says that it’s a sin
to take it up the b-m
even if it’s fun
even with permission from your mum

so you’re gonna live in paradise
with a ten-foot c-ck and a few hundred virgins
so you’re gonna sacrifice your life
for a shot at eternity
and when the lord comes down and i haven’t done my penance
he’s gonna disembowel me

you say that
if i
stumbled on a watch i’d -ssume it had a watchmaker
that a m-ffin presupposes a baker
so we must agree sooner or later
that this proves there’s a creator
so if i put my foot in a stinker
you’d -ssume the existence of a sphincter
thus you don’t need to be a great thinker
to conclude that god’s a b-m
which negates the words of genesis 1
which make him out to be so much fun
until adam succ-mbed
to temptation
and then his only son
got nailed to a gum
or the middle eastern equivalent
which suggest that god’s omniscience
is nullified by his ambivalence
unless it turns out that he’s impotent
and if god can’t get a b-n-r
i guess that explains the plethora
of huge erections in his honour
cos we all know a steeple is just a subconscious, compensatory manifestation of a huge, stiff p-n-s
and still he tell us that it’s heinous
to stick a p-n-s up your -n-s
even if you’re famous
even if you’re good at… tennis

so you’re gonna live in paradise
with a ten-foot c-ck and a few hundred virgins
so you’re gonna sacrifice your life
for a ride on a ufo
and when the lord comes down with his big, stiff, slippery rod of judgement
i’m gonna be the first to go
he’s gonna send me down below
he’s gonna whip me like a ho
d’ya really think so?
i’m gonna be the first to go

- tim minchin lyrics

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