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toehider - [funnythings] lyrics

a garage sale for the deceased? yes it’s a thing! i went to one with my cousin dake. you go
inside the home of someone who died recently to buy their things. maybe the family wants to
rid their memories, or maybe it’s to cover funeral costs? well, there i was inside this house
just rummaging through random cr-p. a couple of things i found include a wig, and a painting
of a dog that smokes a cigarette. but in the kitchen, see that’s where this thing i found was
that i want to tell you about
what first looked not like anything soon revealed themselves behind the tuna tins. had i just
found a cupboard of funnythings??
and so i called out to dake, “you gotta see this!”. he came in all eager-faced
“what if you suddenly thought of everything that’s made you laugh, but all at once?”
he looked at me much like you would if someone told you something just as cooked as that
he said “yeah, i think it’s time for us to go now. grab your things.”
“oh no we’re not! we are not leaving here until you try this ‘cupboard of funnythings’”
“is that what we’re calling it now?”
“yes. that is the official name that i’m giving it. so, when the cupboard’s open wide, then i
guess all the funnythings inside escape and nest behind your eyes. does that sound nice?”
dake opened it, then looked at me, then began to laugh maniacally! i held his face and said
“you see? funnythings!!”
we sat there for most of the day taking turns, laughing away…. you know i’d laugh so hard i
thought that i would crack in half and split my sides. i took a breath and looked over at dake
and he was in a similar state. but it got hard to wait my turn in line. dake was taking too much
time and so we squabbled over who’s go it was. i said “you can’t be serious! get out the way” i
shoved him & as i did, dake completely lost his sh-t. he sn-tched the door and accidentally
coughed and the cupboard door just broke clean off. our bodies shook from toe to top. would
it re-attach? no, it would not! and the funnythings? they wouldn’t stop….
-musical representation of incessant, relentless funny thoughts-
and so we scrambled out of there. we left the house and ran away into a lane. we hopped
some fences, tried to get back to my house as fast as we could go. the whole time, we were
screaming, laughing, howling so d-mn much that i think i broke a rib. my neighbour was in his
front yard hosing his driveway when he saw us running in. he said “hey boys, you seem
excited! tell me, what you doing? where you been?” we gasped and tried to say that we were
at the garage sale up on the other side of town. he said “oh i heard the guy that lived there
died. they found him with his throat all dried curled up at his cupboard i… i think that’s right.”
will we die of funnythings?
will someone cease the funnythings?
endless, constant funnythings….
funnythings

- toehider lyrics

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