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tom jones and harvey schmidt - bored lyrics

[mr. rich]:
if you could see the inside of my stomach
i think it might just take your breath away
but no matter how i diet
it simply won’t stay quiet!
it’s like some sort of riot
or like a fiery blast on judgment day!

(coughs)

my blood pressure!
you ask me, “what about my blood pressure?”
my cardiogram reads like some comic opera plot!
i cannot sleep!
i cannot eat!
and none of those stupid doctors has the slightest idea what i’ve got!
(coughs harder)

when i’ve got a terrible hunger
feeling the need to be eating
i just press the bell in my dining room
all at once, it’s teeming with gastronomes
who prepare the rarest of recipes:
peac+ck’s tails and truffles from tuscany
stuffed into a boar’s head from borneo
glazed on top with blazing tomato paste!
when they cut the tongue out
i’m bored!
bored!
bored!
bored!

when i’m in a state of depression
craving some fresh titillation
i just dial the world’s finest intercom
instantly, they send exhibitionists
who perform the latest atrocities
meant to whet the deadest of appetites!
as they show each s+xy spectacular
and erect each pulsating pyramid
rising to a climax
i’m bored!
bored!
bored!
bored!
i’m the richest man in the western world
there’s nothing i can’t afford!
i’m the president of the stock exchange
i’m the chairman of every board!
i’ve got every thing that they say it takes
but no matter how much i h++rd

i’m bored!
bored!
bored!
bored!
bored! bored! bored! bored!
p++py+p++py+poo!

i’m
b+
bum!
o+
bum!
r+
bum!
e+d!

bored!
god, how i’m bored!
bored! bored!

- tom jones and harvey schmidt lyrics

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