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tom macdonald - now we're here lyrics

[verse 1]
this year’s been the most different
i think i found some holes in me, i think if i was brave enough to check i’d find my soul’s missing
the last time i tried to phone my dad i found he won’t listen
i built myself a cell now i’m alone inside my own prison
got a therapist i don’t go visit, got pill bottles, got more prescriptions, got a million things that i shoulda did that i didn’t do so i’m bullsh+ttin’
lookin’ back at my old visions through teary eyes from my position
i wonder if i got more in me, i wonder if the tank’s on empty
i wonder if the person i was really is gone, i’m a ghost now
i used to feel like a power plant, my machinery all broke down
no one knows what i been through this past year cause i never told
i was f+cked up for three months, if i’m bein’ honest it was plenty more
tried cipralex, tried seroquel, tried xanax, tried propranolol
i quit drinkin’, i quit smokin’, i quit f+cking, i quit it all
momma called my bro’s phone h+lla choked up, tryna ask for help, he broke into my old crib, packed my bags and said farewell
[verse 2]
i flew out to prairies while my dad was on a sailing trip
he told my ma that he’d come home if she couldn’t take care of me
i couldn’t let him leave his dream behind, i couldn’t carry it
anxiety was k!llin’ me but i couldn’t let it bury him
laid low in alberta for what seemed to be like a lifetime
everyday at the doctor’s office, my blood pressure been sky high couldn’t barely eat, couldn’t barely sleep, couldn’t barely know who i was
swear to god i woulda been dead if it hadn’t been for my mom
k, four months go by, my lawyer says hi
your visa got approved, tell your family goodby
three days later caught that flight, hit vancouver for a night, didn’t tell a single soul because i still wasn’t alright
i stayed in jackie’s apartment, she wasn’t there i sat in the darkness, opened the window and laid on the carpet, looked at the city where everything started, like oh my god, oh my god, oh my god

[chorus]
i just spent a half a year trippin’ and no one knows about me
so ashamed of the cards i been given
i never want my friends to see, no
i was on the road to riches, but now i been crawlin’ on my knees yeah
i been keepin’ all these secrets, cause they’re not supposed to worry ‘bout me

[verse 3]
fast forward i crossed the border
moved back in with my girlfriend
i was still f+cked, but not as much as i was back in edmonton
then four months down the road, she broke down when she came home
she was barely through the door, she said “i’m not in love no more”
i took two pills and a cigarette and a long walk down melrose
i made two calls to my best friends in canada from my cell phone
i said “godd+mn, this a tough year, i been f+cked up from the start of it, when’s it all gonna calm down, do y’all believe in this karma sh+t?”
hide it all from my audience, look in my eyes and it’s obvious, anxiety and insomnia, this year has been the rockiest
i just hope i helped you see it clear, cause now we’re here
[chorus]
and i just spent a half a year trippin’ and no one knows about me so ashamed of the cards i been given
i never want my friends to see, no
i was on the road to riches, but now i been crawlin’ on my knees yeah
i been keepin’ all these secrets, cause they’re not supposed to worry ‘bout me
bout me, no no
bout me, no, no, no
supposed to worry bout me, no, no
supposed to worry bout me

[outro]
i been keepin’ all these secrets

- tom macdonald lyrics

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