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tom waits - dog treat lyrics

thanks, uh… you know uh, this is weird uh…
most of us have dogs, all right?
i don’t know if it’s a local thing where i live, or if it’s everywhere, and i’m checking it with you because uh, i don’t get in the area that often and i’m just checking to see if…
there’s a new kind of a dog treat. and uh (where i live) and they’re available in the pet store and for the longest time i just thought that it was some kind of a prank. or uh…
i wasn’t really sure what it was, until i read the label on the back and it said “bull p-n-s”
i was a little shocked! i know you can get just about anything in this world
you can get a whale’s pancreas if you’d want one! i can get you one!
but com’on, a bull’s p-n-s! how busy they were their whole lives
and they throw it to a dog, like that, for a snack!
now, are they available here in the los angeles area? they are, aren’t they?
doesn’t that make you a little weazy?
makes you wanna live a long time
and on the back, on the bottom it said: “100% natural”!
i mean… that’s the part that really got me. and it said: “a real meat snack”
there’s just no dignity in that. uh, anyway…
the other thing is that they’re 36 inches long!
they’re so long they had to cut them into bite-size portions
and then they take two of them and braid them together
i know, i know! i never want it done. but uh…
this is a song written for gregory peck for his dating my mom…
that’s a lie!

- tom waits lyrics

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