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tony goldmark - curl up and die lyrics

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[verse 1]
well, i’ve been kicked to the curb
i’ve been shocked and disturbed
i stepped up to the plate and got struck out by fate
just like i deserve
can’t hit one single curve

i’ve lost every lover and lady who’s had me
my wife just ran off with my mistress today sadly
neither one even said goodbye
it’s all bullsh+t
i may as well curl up and die
[verse 2]
last week i fell from a tree
my boss fired me
and while he got promoted, my car just exploded
spontanеously
yeah, and so did the key

my judgmеntal neighbor just got me evicted
shot smack up by accident just after i’d kicked it
i can’t even say i try
it’s all horsesh+t
i might just curl up and die

[verse 3]
but wait, there’s more! last night i stepped on a rake
i got burned at the stake
i slept in again and i got to my friend’s
birthday party late
and he’d run out of cake

and he peeled off my skin with a potato peeler
and doused me in blood salt from non+fair+trade salt dealers
workin’ to death in the salty mines
it’s all hogwash
i just might curl up and…
[verse 4]
dine on a dinner of broken glass
and an old rotten shoe that smells just like ass

top it off with a bottle of titanic tears
vintage 1912, oh my god what a year

a soup made with poison and anti+freeze
for dessert, a pie made of locusts and bees

and the waiter’s not nice and the check’s overpriced
and it comes with a cyanide mint

i can take the hint

[verse 5]
yeah, it’s time to give in
ain’t no way i can win
i got way too much pain spinnin’ ’round in my brain
and i’m stretched too thin
play the d+mn violin

got hit in the face with a big freakin’ shovel
got bit in the ace by a dog with no muzzle

got trampled by horses and coughed up a lung
and then torn up by tigers who swallowed my tongue
last week while reciting some big science lectures
got sucked through a wormhole and wound up in texas

they strung me up, hung me and threw bibles at me
got shot in the head by six preachers exactly

abducted by martians and forced into labor
got cut clean in half by a rusted light saber

been chewed up and spit out and chewed up some more
and then swallowed, digested, sh+t out on the floor

and then eaten again by a dog who then died
and was buried in dirt where the worms all reside

and they ate me a third time ‘cause why the h+ll not?
i been worm sh+t and germ sh+t and drowned in sh+t water

been kidnapped and b+tch+slapped and wiretapped on monday
got swindled by goblins for my first+born son

they power+sanded my nipples and chopped off my p+n+s
gone mad, i’ve been had, i’m a tad inconvenienced

got spiny and whiny and finally i died

and when i arrived
at the pearly gates
the good lord said, “sorry, boy, you’re too late
i just been disproven by atheists
turns out i’m a fraud, i don’t even exist”

it’s all wormsh+t

[outro]
i think i’m gonna…
i said i think i’m gonna…
i think i’m gonna lay in bed and listen to radio static for hidden conspiratorial messages all day

thank you, i love you all, goodnight

- tony goldmark lyrics

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