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tophat - toaster. lyrics

[intro]
uh
yeah, here we go
come on, did you know
let’s do it
don’t you know we’ll do it
let’s do it, come on

[verse 1]
my toaster, it works like sh+t
the bread is always burnt and it smells like sh+t
everyday i wake up, i see it there
it stares into my soul givin’ me despair
so i bought a new toaster, can’t you see?
it’s really shiny, and nice, and pretty, and clean
i love my toaster and the toaster loves me
we’re one big happy family, come on

[chorus 1]
brand new toaster, brand new life
this toaster’s almost good enough to be my wife
toaster’s perfection, it will more than suffice
brand new toaster, brand new life
brand new toaster, brand new life
the toaster’s almost good enough to be my wife
toaster’s perfection, it will more than suffice
brand new toaster, brand new life
[verse 2]
toast, bagels, [?] and more
yes, i love my new toaster
i asked my toaster to marry me
the toaster didn’t say anything
but one day, i got caught off guard
it started glowin’ red and it sounded the alarm
i said, “eh, it’s probably nothing”
then i screamed like a girl ’cause it’s trying to k!ll me!!!

[chorus 2]
brand new toaster, brand new life
but this toaster, it has a knife
it’s scaring me, it’s not alright
i think i’m gonna run for my life
brand new toaster, brand new life
but this toaster, it has a knife
it’s scaring me, i’m not alright
i think i’m gonna run for my life

[verse 3]
so i’m runnin’ through the hallways, right to left
i think, god, i’m gonna have to fight to death
i don’t know if my life is worth this mess
i’m scared, but i know i gotta fight for this
so i’m runnin’ away, then i found a lampshade
so i threw it in his face hoping he would leave this place
but he just stood there, taking the blow
he’s got guns, oh no!
then i remember water’s the answer
he’s an electronic, water is like cancer
go to the bathroom, grab a bucket
dropped the bucket, cried about the bucket
the toaster is up here, i’m about to die
legs all shaky, gonna cry
one last chance, let us try
singin’ this toaster a lullaby, uh
[interlude]
please don’t k+k!ll me, evil toaster man
i+i just wa+wanted to be your friend
you are all i really need
to fuel my br+breakfast necessity
go+go to sleep, g+g+go to sleep
s+s+so i can throw you in the deep

[verse 4]
that worked!? what the f+ck?
i guess i can say that that’s my luck
pickin’ up the toaster to have some fun
oh, my god, he’s just like, a hundred tons
grab the bucket i dropped before
on his face, the water pours
he turns back into a toaster
i won’t buy toasters anymore

[outro]
well, there’s only one thing left to do
(multiple tophats having a breakdown)
and with that, the toaster flew away into the sunset
never to be seen again

- tophat lyrics

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