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tough rhymes - the real slim shady lyrics

[intro]
may i have your attention, please?
may i have your attention, please?
will the real slim shady please stand up?
i repeat, will the real slim shady please stand up?
we’re gonna have a problem here

[verse 1]
y’all act like you never seen a white person before
jaws all on the floor like pam and tommy just burst in the door
stop whoopin’ her -ss worse than before
like they first got divorced, throwin’ her over the furniture (agh!)
it’s the return of the “ah, wait, no way, you’re kidding
he didn’t just say what i think he did, did he?”
and dr. dre said… nothing, you idiots!
dr. dre’s dead, he’s locked in my bas-m-nt (ha ha!)
feminist women love eminem
“chicka, chicka, chicka, slim shady, i’m sick of him
look at him, walkin’ around, grabbin’ his you-know-what
libbin’ the you-know-who,” “yeah, but he’s so cute though.”
yeah, i probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
but no worse than what’s goin’ on in your parents’ bedrooms
sometimes i wanna get on tv and just let loose
but can’t, but it’s cool for tom green to hump a moose
“my bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips”
and if i’m lucky, you might just give it a little kiss
and that’s the message that we deliver to little kids
and expect them not to know what a woman’s cl-toris is
of course they’re gonna know what intercourse is
by the time they get fourth grade
they’ve got the discovery channel, don’t they?
we ain’t nothin’ but mammals—well, some of us, cannibals
who cut other people open like cantaloupes
but if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
then there’s no reason why a man and another man can’t elope
but if you feel like i feel, i got the antidote
wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus, and it goes

[verse 2]
will smith don’t gotta cuss in his raps to sell records
well, i do, so f-ck him and f-ck you too!
you think i give a d-mn about a grammy?
half of you critics can’t even stomach me, let alone stand me
“but slim, what if you win, wouldn’t it be weird?”
why, so you guys could just lie to get me here?
so you can sit me here next to britney spears?
sh-t, christina aguilera better switch me chairs
so i can sit next to carson daly and fred durst
and hear ’em argue over who she gave head to first
little b-tch put me on blast on mtv
“yeah, he’s cute, but i think he’s married to kim, hee-hee.”
i should download her audio in mp3
and show the whole world how she gave eminem vd (agh!)
i’m sick of you little girl and boy groups
all you do is annoy me, so i have been sent here to destroy you
and there’s a million of us just like me
who cuss like me, who just don’t give a f-ck like me
who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me
it just might be the next best thing, not quite me

[chorus]
’cause i’m slim shady, yes i’m the real shady
all you other slim shadys are just imitating
so won’t the real slim shady please stand up
please stand up, please stand up?
’cause i’m slim shady, yes i’m the real shady
all you other slim shadys are just imitating
so won’t the real slim shady please stand up
please stand up, please stand up?

[verse 3]
i’m like a head trip to listen to, ‘cause i’m only givin’ you
things you joke about with your friends inside your livin’ room
the only difference is i got the b-lls to say it in front of y’all
and i don’t gotta be false or sugarcoat at all
i just get on the mic and spit it
and whether you like it or admit it, i just sh-t it
better than 90% of y’all rappers out there
then you wonder: “how can
kids eat up these albums like valiums?”
it’s funny, ‘cause at the rate i’m going, when i’m 30
i’ll be the only person in the nursing home flirting
pinching nurse’s -sses when i’m jacking off with jergens
and i’m jerking, but this whole bag of v–gr- isn’t working
and every single person is a slim shady lurking
could be working at burger king, spittin’ on your onion rings
or in the parking lot, screaming, “i don’t give a f-ck!”
with his windows down and his system up
so will the real shady please stand up
and put one of those fingers on each hand up?
and be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
and one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

[chorus]
i’m slim shady, yes i’m the real shady
all you other slim shadys are just imitating
so won’t the real slim shady please stand up
please stand up, please stand up?
’cause i’m slim shady, yes i’m the real shady
all you other slim shadys are just imitating
so won’t the real slim shady please stand up
please stand up, please stand up?
’cause i’m slim shady, yes i’m the real shady
all you other slim shadys are just imitating
so won’t the real slim shady please stand up
please stand up, please stand up?
’cause i’m slim shady, yes i’m the real shady
all you other slim shadys are just imitating
so won’t the real slim shady please stand up
please stand up, please stand up?

[outro]
ha ha, i guess there’s a slim shady in all of us
f-ck it, let’s all stand up!

- tough rhymes lyrics

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