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trashdog - my life as an alien lyrics

[spoken]
i have crash landed on an undiscovered planet
i have dubbed this planet thraxilio+264 in the name of our great leader
planet biome varies heavily from vegetation to ice dust
primary form of life appears to be bipedal humanoids who possess no great intellect
i will assimilate effortlessly into their culture in order to learn more
and to ultimately find a way to repair my shuttle craft and return to the homeworld
hopefully my logs will serve some future purpose to the scientific community
though my initial findings show that this planet and its inhabitants absolutely suck

i have logged over 200,000 hours in astral projection
humans haven’t even mastered the ability to have a peaceful night’s sleep
humans are even dumber than the grombaliens of tandex 6
and the grombaliens of tandex 6 are one of the stupidest species in the entire galaxy
i am surprised that the average human has the mental faculties to take a sh+t
because every year that i have spent on this planet, my iq has been reduced by 5000
i have realised that there is no hope of fully repairing my shuttlecraft
and am instead now preparing to use what little power is left to launch myself straight into the sun

- trashdog lyrics

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