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uju - can we stay like this forever? lyrics

green reminds me of the wet grass
we spent most of our summers on
in my head
i can see us running. never not eating
sitting criss+cross
hiding in the bushes with splinters
in our feet
because hide and seek at 3 in the morning
was a great idea
in the background, a guitar is playing –
or obnoxious laughter
followed by hushed whispers
the concept of growing out of things
didn’t exist in that field, really
but we did grow up

you used to say ‘the sun is in our eyes’
and i sat there
wondering what that meant
i still do
did you mean we’d grow old togethеr
or that we’d take turns saying goodbye?
if i wеre to be honest
i could easily get lost
in the memory of us
sweating through our shirts
on a couch too small for five people
and you know, horror movies were never really my favorite
but in a heartbeat
i would put on the best one
just to be that close again
like the games we used to play in the middle of the night
the fear in my heart
doesn’t seem to end
at the idea
that we may never find our way back again
can i call it home without
knowing if it was ever built to last?
i still laugh at the memory of us
playing thumb wars by the staircase
i remember our hands numb from gripping too tightly –
who would’ve thought we’d ever let go?

the truth is, home feels like it’s four years away
it’s as if while making
those memories
we were lighting little fires
we laughed while smoke filled our lungs
until we fell silent
we were there and then we weren’t
but the music from the playlist we made
on the game room floor
still plays in my heart
and that’s how i know
that i could never forget
not even if
we were a lifetime away

and i hope you know that i’ll never get used
to speaking in past tense
or finding my way to the beach alone
or not laughing at bad jokes during
“breakfast” at noon
but i hope one day +
even if it’s so far into the future
that we have our own families
i hope to see us in one room again
it’s not going to be like before:
it’s not going to be ice cream runs
that last for three hours
at the back of the red pick+up truck
it’s not going to be driving an hour
away from the city in the blue suv
just for fun
it’s not going to be sharing secrets under the stars
but i hope it still feels like home

and though i’m hurting as i love you
know that i’ll take it
any day
if it means i get to remember
those little fires
that we lit when we were younger
know that they still keep me warm –
almost like a friend
but nowhere close to us

- uju lyrics

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