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un syrah - premonición lyrics

(have you ever sat down in one place
and not move for one entire year
let me describe it for you

to begin with
there’s only regret
there’s only the turning wheel of missed opportunities
days
months
i lost it all in a blur of the deepest longing to undo the past
and when that feeling had begun to subside
what took its place
is what i could only describe
as the collapse of every moment
i have ever experienced my entire life
in that instant i could see myself
clearly
calmly
with a collected heart
i was consumed by it
i could do nothing but wallow in it
for what felt like an eternity
for what i now know it was far less

you see
it was a revelation for me
it was unlike anything i had ever known
and i felt freed
i saw that i could allow myself to exist in all timelines
and that each of them
was simply a strand
in the web of my being
it was incredible
the sp+ciousness
the equanimity of the moment
both singular and infinite
for the longest time
this was my experience
and then this moment passed
and the most unyielding fear
i have ever known
crept into my mind
and is this sensation
that i have been experiencing now
for longer that i could have
ever expected was possible

perhaps one day
this state of mind will consume you as well
perhaps you will somehow
in some way
have to live as i do now
and i wish for you to know
how excruciating it is
and for you to be in true terror of its eventual arrival
perhaps it will bring me the smallest moment of peace
in the darkness)

- un syrah lyrics

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