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upgrade hiphop - side effects lyrics

[verse 1]
minutes p-ss and the time went on as i’m looking back on the wasted year
alone in my room with the torment of doom
and a case of beer couldn’t face my fear
with these four walls that i called home
while i’m painting the windows black
on the wrong medication, thoughts started racing
chest bursting heart palpitations
gone numb my limbs started shaking
and it seemed that i can’t go escape it
cause my doctors and therapists are telling me this sickness i created
with a year of the preparation and the cost of my desperation
i was lost and my friends mistaken, asking “how was my vacation”
like the time away from work, tied away, and hurt was recreation
suicidal thoughts and panic attacks all social separation
but i’m forced to pose and fake it
wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy
suddenly i had gone heavenly talking about god can you please just grant me serenity
like yeah, i’m suddenly religious but honestly who was i kidding
father jewish, mother christian who married a mormon, fate non-existent
went to church to steal from collection plates, taking money stuffing my pockets
went to shul when i’m forced to
and shove bobby pins in the electric sockets
i’m thinking the doctors tests are not correct, my opinion’s irrelevant
they say it’s a chemical imbalance, but there ain’t no scientific evidence
but it’s evident, that i never been the same
just got better hiding the pain
my reflection, i wouldn’t frame
my complexion, i could erase
i couldn’t make the mold of this mask any better, holding a flask
trying to cope with the past alone in the hope it could last
boulder on my shoulder growing too fast
heart getting colder frozen grew black
still i find peace in the boom-bat
why do i rap with a crew full of new jacks never lose that, uh

[hook]
i’m tryna live my dream in private jets
but i can’t get past all these side effects
i smile and nodded, i try to hide it best
but i can’t get past all these side effects
but i’m hoping that i can be wrong, that
i could find a reason that i suffered this long
and i’m hoping that i could move on
and i could find beauty in the words of this song

[verse 2]
locked behind these xanny bars, drowning inside this alcohol
depending on these chemicals, only thing that i found compatible
any problem i choose to tackle, i would do it two tone capsule
being stuck in a lose-lose battle
going coo-coo, i was scared of my shadow
paint over the pain no spacle
take chance on my brain, no raffle
i stand in the rain as i soak til i’m carried afloat, like a boat, no paddle
getting tired of blaming genetics but i know the machine is defective
so are we imperfectly perfect?
or excusing ourselves for depression
all the time that i’m wishing to be someone else
could have used to improve myself
all the personal flaws and the falls, i was cursed by it all, i could use your help
but i’m move through hell with a few screws loose and a past i’d dwell
and in fact i failed in regrets, in career to attract my sales
relationships i’m destroying, swollowed pride to collect employment
escaped in the play so imagine the day
when a show was delayed and avoided
all because these side effects, so many years to get my mind correct
so many tears feeling like it’s time i rest but these night terrors are inside my head
insomnia, check, vertigo, check
had the curtains closed, so not a person knows i haven’t learned to cope yet
edible tablets are stacked during this chemical balance in act
i enter the center of gravity happily never go back

[outro]

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