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victoria wood - barry and freda - live lyrics

freda and barry sat one night
the sky was clear, the stars were bright
the wind was soft, the moon was up
freda drained her cocoa cup
she l1cked her lips she felt sublime!
she switched off gardener’s question time
barry cringed in fear and dread
as freda grabbed his tie and said:
let’s do it, let’s do it, do it while the mood is right!
i’m feeling, appealing
i’ve really got an appet-te
i’m on fire
with desire-
i could handle half the tennors in a male voice choir
let’s do it, let’s do it tonight!
but he said:
i can’t do it, i can’t do it
i don’t believe in too much s-x
this fashion
for p-ssion
turns us into nervous wrecks
no derision
my decision:
i’d rather watch the spinners on the television
i can’t do it, i can’t do it tonight
so she said
let’s do it, let’s do it, do it till our hearts go boom
go native
creative
living in the living room
this folly
for jolly;
bend me backwards on me hostess trolley!
let’s do it, let’s do it tonight
but he said
i can’t do it, i can’t do it, my heavy-breathing days are gone
i’m older, feel colder;
it’s other things that turn me on
i’m inploring-
i’m boring-
let me read this catalogue on vinyl flooring!
i can’t do it, i can’t do it tonight
then she said
let’s do it, let’s do it, have a crazy night of love!
i’ll strip bare
i’ll just wear
stilettos and an oven glove!
don’t starve a girl of a palaver
dangle from the wardrope in your balaclava
let’s do it, let’s do it tonight!
but he said
i can’t do it, i can’t do it
i know ill only get it wrong
don’t angle
for me to dangle
my arms have never been that strong;
stop pouting!
stop shouting-
you know i pulled a muscle when i did that grouting
i can’t do it, i can’t do it tonight
let’s do it, let’s do it, share a night of wild romance!
frenetic
poetic, this could be your last big chance!
to quote milton
to eat stilton
to roll with g-y abandon on the tufted wilton!
let’s do it, let’s do it tonight!
i can’t do it, i can’t do it
i’ve got other little jobs on hand
don’t grouse
around the house
i’ve got a busyt evening planned
stop nagging!
i’m flagging;
you know as well as i do that the pipes want lagging
i can’t do it, i can’t do it tonight
let’s do it, let’s do it, while i’m really in the mood…
three cheers!
it’s years
since i caught you even semi-nude
get drasitic
gymnastic-
wear your baggy y-fronts with the loose elastic but
let’s do it, let’s do it tonight!
i can’t do it, i can’t do it
i must refuse to get undressed
i feel silly
it’s to chilly
to go with out my thermal vest
don’t choose me
don’t use me
my mother sent a note to say you must excuse me
i can’t do it, i can’t do it tonight
let’s do it, let’s do it, i really apsolutly must
i won’t exempt you
want to temp you
want to drive you mad with l-st
no contortions:
smear an avocardo on my lower portions!
let’s do it, let’s do it tonight!
i can’t do it, i can’t do it
it’s really not my cup of tea;
i’m har-ssed
embarr-ssed;
i wish you hadn’t picked on me
no barter —
a non-starter;
i feel about as sensuous as jimmy carter
i can’t do it, can’t do it tonight
let’s do it, let’s do it, i really want to run amock!
let’s wriggle!
let’s jiggle!
let’s really make the rafters rock!
be mighty
be flighty come and melt the b-ttons on my flame-proof nightie!
let’s do it, let’s do it tonight!
let’s do it, let’s do it, i really want to rant and rave!
let’s go
cos i know just
just how you want to behave:
not bleakly
not meekly-
beat me on the bottom with the woman’s weekly-
let’s do it, let’s do it tonight!

- victoria wood lyrics

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