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vince van gogh - self sabotage lyrics

[chorus]
it’s my veins, it’s in my brain
it’s in dna
i self medicate to me-meditate
me-me-meditate
me-me-meditate
me-me-meditate
me-me-meditate
it’s my veins, it’s in my brain
it’s in dna
i self medicate to me-meditate
me-me-meditate
me-me-meditate
me-me-meditate
me-me-meditate

[verse 1]
life and death from start to finish
i got a long road ahead so i’ma take what i’m given
i started smoking weed ’cause of everything that i witnessed
and you may not agree but i think i’ve become addicted
since i was 8, i’ve been strugglin’ with depression
’cause other kids saw me as a target to be tested
i spent my whole childhood stressin’
since then, i’ve been feelin’ like i was cursed
with a downward sense of direction
in middle school, i wasn’t a chillin’ dude
i was just a full fledged embarr-ssment
forced by my mind to carry it
’cause i was known as a special dunce on a high stool
and this was from sixth grade to my second year in high school
the district sent me to a special private and to be honest
i feel ashamed to this day, and also unaccomplished
’cause i graduated from somewhere that made me feel stagnated
for being born with somethin’ like a mental laceration
this past decade, i’ve done nothin’ but self-sabotage
and now my father’s dead so we’re under the same catalog
i’m startin’ to wonder if he ever even cared at all
’cause maybe if he did, then he wouldn’t have puffed that aerosol

[verse 2]
before i went viral, i was chronically suicidal
goin’ through a downward spiral, i was in denial
felt like no one cared for me, like no one was there for me
i tried to make friends but they told me i need therapy
apparently, now that i got clout
they act like i owe ’em somethin’ when they had me knocked down
when i addressed the sh-t they done, they can’t even talk now
i don’t want these people in my life, they need to be locked out
and at this point, i’m wonderin’ if i should even trust a soul
it’s fake people in my life, i wish i never juxtaposed
with someone with good intentions or even one of my brethren
it’s attachment and betrayal that puts me in this deep depression
as i sit in a mountain top makin’ this verse
i feel i’m bound to die early since the day of my birth
feel like i’m payin’ my dues, but also pay for this curse
somethin’ i never even wanted on the daily, it hurts
it’s like being in love, it only rips you apart
it leaves you with your heart shattered along with st-tches and scars
my music could be meaningless even though i call it art
but either way it goes, i might just end up another fallen star

- vince van gogh lyrics

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