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weerd science - therapy session lyrics

(intro skit)
receptionist: mr. eppard, the doctor will see you now

josh: thank you. – hey doc

therapist: hi josh, why don’t you have a seat?

josh: alright

therapist: let’s discuss what’s been going on

josh: you mean just anything?

therapist: tell me the first thing that pops into your head? (fades out)

(verse)
i am a bad man, i ‘m a walking atrocity
an anomaly probably on shaky ground
that’s why my vision’s all wobbly
i’m the master of an empty apology
i am so sorry!
though i solemnly swear to try to wear down your defenses
until you breathe from a borrowed air
hopefully you’re not the slightest bit aware
that while i stare off into sp-ce i’m still able to convince you that i care
i’m a gun for hire
as a kid i wanted to be spiderman
but “oops!” i think i grew up to be toby mcguire
an actor in front of a green screen hanging myself from the prop wires
i wish i was bitten by a genetically enhanced arachnid
because i think i’m a black gangster rapper trapped inside the body of a fat white kid
go on facebook, say that you like this
but f-ck it, i know you won’t
i can tell already, i’m psychic
uh i have no clue who the f-ck i am
because in school i’d always pretend to reinvent myself in hopes that it would me fit in
confusion you can’t quell
the only thing that made sense to me is
is that i actually od’d three years ago and died and this is my own version of h-ll
boo hoo hoo hoo oh f-cking well! w-t-f! o-m-g!
great now i talk like a fourteen year old girl
mommy, don’t i look pretty? aren’t i dainty?
i’m timothy mcveigh coming to blow up your city
i won’t be satisfied until the whole world is against me
attention cops! when you see me, arrest me
because if i’m with dirt, you can do a search and at the very least you’ll find some hemp seeds
please don’t test me!
it’s not the guy yelling about guns you should be afraid of
it’s the guy in the corner surveying his options, weighing out the different possible outcomes
he’s usually quiet and normally doesn’t say much
and the neighbors will say, “i can’t believe it was him! by all the kids, he was so loved!”
oh yeah, luke skywalker should’ve been on the terrorist watch list
and america was founded on high treason
so don’t subscribe to fox news or msnbc when they tell you what to believe in
this is a breaking report!
do you think it’s the dealers on the block that bring the c0ke rock into the country
clearly not, it’s the f-cking government dummy!
it’s some of these little motherf-ckers are hungry
so when the wayans family leaves the opera, they get shot up for their jewelry and their money
ahh f-ck it!
down the hatch, chased with sour mashed whiskey that gets me tipsy
followed by brownies with hash
never ready to deal with my own version of evil ash
who reminds me of every time of how my uncle ricky put his hands down my pants
he won’t let me forget it! he just says it and says it and says it
either i need to meditate or a paramedic
because this epidemic is now fully kinetic
and you can bet it gets intercepted with each and every sentence
my skepticism is in need of an exorcism
because every decision is dictated by my last position
imagine everything in your every thought is something you don’t want to hear
like your girl bragging about how much head she was giving and—

-gasp-

(outro skit)
josh: that’s uh that’s pretty much the first thing that pops in to my mind doctor

therapist: amy, i’m gonna need you to cancel my 2 o’clock appointment…

- weerd science lyrics

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