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wise old owl - i wish i was a hipster lyrics

d-mn, i wish i was a hipster
so i could be cool like you
all i ever wanted
was to be the combination of a hippie and gangster
and cover up the fact that i’m actually a tool
but my jeans aren’t near tight enough
and my shirt might be retro but
it’s not enough for the scene cuz the crew ain’t cut
and the holes aren’t sown shut
but i just can’t give near enough f-cks
for a fad so cool it sucks
i guess i’m just a goose in a land of ducks
aw shucks…

i probably should go out and buy a pair of crocs
but not to wear
just put in a box
and keep em there
and watch the clocks
till there’s nothing left but grey in my hair
so my kids can wear them all f-cking day
without looking super g-y
cuz their friends will be all like
“hey! where did you get those f-cking mandalay kicks from, ray?”
and he’ll be all
“oh man, well, you know, i’ve got my ways,”
and he’ll replace all the ragtag stag f-gs
that walk around this lame -ss place today
but i guess that’s not what i really came to say
nah i’d probably throw the things
in the f-cking fireplace if i had my way
so i guess
in the bargain bin
at the walmart they’ll stay…

i wish i was a hipster

now this may sound weird
but i guess i gotta grow a bigger beard
and buy a laptop mac
and put some star wars stickers on the back
and fill it up with ancient pavement tracks
that are so old
you can hear the -n-log tape snaps
and even though it kinda sounds like cr-p
it’s cool cuz it’s retro
and retro is where it’s at
don’t you know?
that sh-t’s totally phat
but phat with a ph ain’t cool anymore
what’s the word i’m looking for?
soph0m-re
paramore
claymoore
g-y more
lay more
pay more
say no more
faith no more
hate no more
what’s the point of this song?
but i’m not for sure
if this scene’s the ocean
i’m on the sh0r-…

and i guess i blew all of my money on contact lenses
when all i needed was a pair of fat black h-rn-rimmed gl-sses
prescription unnecessary
accessories that my nose will carry around
they’ll make me feel so boss in this town
i swear to god
i’m gonna turn some frowns upside down
where’s my crown?
riding around on my ten speed bike
hanging out in coffee shops till there’s weather i like
cuz i might stumble upon a chick that’s not a dyk-
and we might hit it off and share a high
and share a night
but it’s highly unlikely due to my shifty eyes
and my complete lack of style and sly…

i wish i was a hipster
(no i don’t)

so why couldn’t it have been me
born with these uncanny abilities
for obscure referencing
of pop culture anomalies
i don’t know
but when i see those dope -ss motherf-ckers on the street
i just get so green
with envy and a rage-like jealosy
cuz i know that i can never be
or will be
as cool as thee
taking a break from longboarding
casually taking a pee on the side of a building
drinking old milwaukee from a can
cuz he know’s that he’s the f-cking man…
and he know’s there’s not a godd-mn thing i can do about it
i guess i missed the slip
i guess i missed the tip
that would lead me to believe
that i could be
just like he
just like her
marijuana cigarrettes will burn
as my brain churns
and my ego yearns to learn
how to be that suave and cool
and to be that cool
d-mn girl
you probably had to go to school
but for no
for now
i’ll remain the fool
misses and misters
brothers and sisters
this ain’t a word
but “schmoogashmagamegablipster”

d-mn i wish i was a hipster

i wish i was a hipster
(no i don’t)

- wise old owl lyrics

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