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wise old owl - if stupid is as stupid does (2011: a crack odyssey) lyrics

2011: a crack odyssey

alright, this is gonna be one of the uh
stupidest stories you’ve ever heard in your whole life
are you ready?

so this one time i was just getting off of work
and i had to go buy a pack of smokes
so i went down to the local late night gas bar
in preparation for my evening tokes
as i was strollin out
there was a dude on the phone who called out to me
he said:
“hey man, can you give me a ride somewhere
it’s kind of an emergency.”
now this dude
he was a brother of mine
and he was like 6 foot f-cking 5
he was pushin’ 240 at least
and he had the arms the size of my thieghs
but i said sure dude
hey man
why not
i’m not doing anything anyways
so what does he do?
he keeps talking on the phone
like the conversation never lost its pace
but it appeared to me
as far as i could see
that the emergency was real
until he hung up the phone
and he walked towards me
then i knew my fate was sealed
buddies eyes were like dinner plates
i’d never seen anyone’s more dialated
and it looked like he was really f-cking agitated
like it had been ten years since he m-st-rbated
but it was too late now cuz the door was unlocked
and he was already inside the truck
and at that point in time in my life
i didn’t really give a flying f-ck
so i said where to?
and he said, “downtown.”
and i said that’s pretty far
but he says
“don’t worry man
i’ll get ya high
we’ll f-cking hotbox this car.”
so i said okay lets go
and i turned the truck around
and on that note
we were started off
on an adventure to downtown

(if stupid is as stupid does
i must be really f-cking stupid cuz
i hang out with thugs
and take tons of drugs
if stupid is as stupid does
i must be really f-cking stupid cuz
i hang out with thugs
and take tons of drugs)

so anyways
we’re on our way
on the highway to get high
but i didn’t really know what we were picking up
and i wanted to know what where and why
but i swear to god
when i asked the guy
he just turned away and mumbled
and i said to myself
holy sh-t man
i hope this guy isn’t troubled
but we kept on driving
and we kept on riding
and we kept on keepin on
cuz if that motherf-cking crackhead had k!lled me
i guess i wouldn’t have written this song
so anyways
we reach the place
and we’re looking for a place to wait
so what does he say?
“hey man
can i use your cellphone
this motherf-ckers late!”
and to my surprise
and i do mean that sarcastically as h-ll
buddies’ dealer was at least as shady
as the motherf-cker smelled
but the deal went down
cars p-ssing all around
with a tension in the air
cuz as it turns out my buddy didn’t think his cut fair…
oh no!
so here we are
we’re sitting in my car
they’re bickering back and forth
about a couple motherf-cking measely crack rocks of course
but the deal went sour
and somehow or another
they ended up thinking i was a cop
so it was either i smoke the rock
or get beat the f-ck up

so now i’m high as a motherf-cking kite
on a tuesday night but its alright
cuz i survived
yeah i smoked some crack
but hey
at least i’m alive
and then i had to concentrate on driving that motherf-cker home
but it goes pretty slow
when yer going 40 or below in a hundred zone
and let me tell you something else
i’ll never get that chemical smell
out of my car again
it smells just like a f-cking crack den
but i know that i am really lucky
cuz i never let that cr-p get stuck to me
and i will never smoke it again
so don’t worry mom and dad
you don’t have to fret or get mad
i know that it was stupid
but at least i remained lucid
enough to understand my folly
jesus
mary
alkey
molly
what the f-ck have you been doing upstairs in my head?
what the f-ck have you been doing upstairs in my head?
what the f-ck have you been doing upstairs in my head?
what the f-ck have you been doing upstairs in my head?
what the f-ck have you been….
kaossilator solo!

- wise old owl lyrics

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