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x-el - feelings lyrics

(verse 1)
honestly
i feel i’m really hurting deep
i just don’t want anybody here to ever see
i make these sacrifices and i swear they’re k!lling me
i round up about fifty seven hours every week
then i go home
and straight to sleep
or go home
to bully me
these nights alone
have really
been really torturing
or i’ll come home
an try to write
all night
while attempting to fight with this f-cking battle that’s going on in my mind!
huh…
–
it’s so stressful
i’m just locked in feeling like these feelings that i’m feeling are the reason why i’m not feeling, huh
i can’t feel the love, na
i can’t feel the hate, na
i can’t feel it, no!
i can’t feel anything!
–
i just want to scream at the top of my f-cking lungs! (nooooo)
i want to feel the burn in my throat as it goes numb!
i wish that i was happy with the person i’ve become!
but i can’t feel happy when i can’t feel not a single one!
i need to find my way out of this cage that i’m so stuck in!
cuz the only feelings that i feel right now are from me f-cking!
the moment that i didn’t feel my p-ssion anymore is when i knew depression got a hold of me a bit ‘too tightly’

(bridge)
ya, i want to set the stage to 2020
as the stage i use to resurrect me
i mean it…
i need it!
i need to k!ll the depression that’s been living deep inside me
for as long as i can remember…
i will!
eliminate this demon that’s been with me since i lost a family member!

(verse 2)
last year was the last time you will ever have a hold of me
i lost all of my emotions
and my heart it started buckling
i’m so sorry to the one i separated from
i love you, but i need to continue my journey by myself
i hope you will forgive me and trust me it’s for my health
i don’t want you gone forever
no i don’t, how could i, live?
you and i will be bonded together for eternity an trust me i’ll be praying for you when you go in for your surgery
i just need to find myself
i just need to fix my health
i just need to do what i’m doing to make my dream come true by proving
to the universe that i can do this!
it won’t ever hold me down again
so anyone who’s listening
please take my hand, (ya, ya)
i won’t let you fall, (no, no)
this is us forever, (woo)
take this courage
you and me against this f-cking mental wall that’s blocking our success
so f-ck being depressed
be only you and be your absolute best
be your best
2020 can be the best year of your life
i believe in you
yeye

- x el lyrics

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