x (random) - hellbound lyrics
i’m lost i wonder where i should go,-i’m all alone-on this path unknown-
‘n there’s many before me but where should i go?-i don’t know,-
which road should i follow?-i wish someone would show-me the way i should go,-
are there any signs?-i don’t see any but i guess i’ll just follow this path and see where it goes…
this world is takin’ its toll on my heart-it’s so cold and so dark i wish someone would come save me,-
i think i’m goin’ crazy…i’m lost waiting to be found,-i search all over the ground,-
there’s no exit around,-i can’t escape, i’m h-llbound,-
i’m f-ckin’ h-llbound,-i’ve been depressed ’cause noone picked me up when i fell down,-
i guess i’m h-llbound,-but look…
i think god made a mistake when he had made me,-
now i’m mad crazy,-
but perhaps i wouldn’t be this way if he had raised me-
but instead i was forced to teach myself ‘n learn in this godforsaken environment which supposedly my dad placed me,-
in a bad way see-…
i was a normal middle cl-ss kid lookin’ up to the high cl-ss in invy,- (invy – envy)
i never thought i was special honestly practically anyone coulda ended up like my -ss ‘n been me,-
a typical creature influenced by”’their society”’s envirements,- (envirements – environments)
in my case i was surrounded by proclaimed bad influences affected by its depravity ‘n self righteous ignorantly determined morals ‘n preconceptions of”’fair propriety ‘n violence,-
so i’m real in’dif’fer’ent,-
from most people so i’m always feelin’ divergent,-
’cause when i was born into this h-llbound environment i didn’t even have a choice,-
always told what to do but noone listened to me it was like i didn’t even have a voice,-
i’ve always felt like there was”’no recourse fuh me,- (fuh – for)
and inside it hurts me deep but i still refuse to”’show reemorse uh be- (uh – or, refuse to -refused to)
weak ‘n pitiful so instead i start to regret everything that i do,-
i break down ‘n pray to god hopin’ i die while i cry too,-
beggin’ to be understood lookin’ for people that see through”the hate ‘n my view,- (‘n my view – in my view)
someone like family i could relate ‘n cry too,-
but see as a kid i was always upset inhalin’ second hand smoke from mum mother’s cigarettes- (mum – my)
but i hadn’t known that in the future i’d have to deal with some other bigger threats,-
see my childhood was decent so it seemed like i”’was not curse,- (cursed)
but as time went on ‘n i grew up my life”’just got worse,-
even when i believed in god i used to think that life just wasn’t fair,-
‘n i still do but now i’ve determined that god just doesn’t care,-
see to me god is like the f-ckin’ air,-
people say it exists but i see nothin’ there,-
and you call me crazy ’cause i don’t see what you see or believe in a god,-
but i guess that makes you just as crazy as me but see he fooled me ‘n let me down that’s why i’m not vulnerable to that manipulative deceivin’ facade,-
’cause they say tha seein’-is believin’,-but i refuse to believe in-all the sh-t that i’m seein’-
’cause i know that looks can be deceivin’,-
people try to persuade me claimin’ they’re the truth but i really don’t know what to believe in,-
what’s my purpose in bein’ here at this time ‘n place ‘n what’s the reason?-
what’s the point of earth?-what’s the reason for my birth?-what are all my sacrifices worth?-
i really don’t get it,-and your favorite male rapper might feel the same way but still he won’t spit it,- /don’t get it…rappers out there may feel same but won’t spit it/
that’s why i’m one of the most realest,-each song of mine still is-the illest-that’s why the realest feel us,-
trapped in a jungle full of gorillas,-
there are all types of people and y’all think i’m one of the nicest kind,-
but i ain’t in a righteous mind,-
‘n i’m tired of pretendin’ my life is fine,-
’cause right now i’m contemplatin’ whether where i should call a crisis line,-
i keep prayin’ to god for hope but i don’t see the slightest sign,-
i search the streets for one but i can’t find any it’s like my sight is blind,-
i’m all alone,-goin’ down this road of life on my own,-
with no other path to follow lost forgotten and unknown-
i wonder when i die where am i gonna go?-
actually on second thought i don’t wanna know,-’cause
-chorus-
i’ve had enough, i’m done, i can’t take anymore,-
god i’ve tried my best to be faithful but what did you forsaken me for?…
i often wonder do you real”’ly care for meeeee?
if i stop prayin’ now will you still be there for me,-
i’m goin’ crazy without you but i don’t need some silly therapy,-
i’m losin’ my faith please prove that ya love me,-
if there’s a higher place called heaven please prove you’re watchin’ from above me,-
i’ll devote myself to you but i’m only a human see,-
i’ll love you but i refuse to let you ruin me,-
’cause i’m not your f-ckin’ toy you can play wit”’like my life’s a game i won’t let you play me,-
i keep callin’ you but you won’t say sh-t”’you’re makin’ me look crazy,-
like who the f-ck are you takin’ me for?
i’m hurtin’ for you i ain’t ever felt this achin’ beefore,-
it’s makin’ me sore,-i can’t take anymore,-
god please tell me what the f-ck did you forsaken me for?-
i’m goin’ insane i don’t know what to believe it’s like i can’t even tell what’s real or fake anymore,-
what about these children that are raised without proper guidance?-
because their ignorant parents weren’t prepared ‘n so they’re born into ghetto environments,-
subjected to criminal activity manipulation ‘n violence,-
they need you like i do but you still havn’t broken your silence,-
atleast there’s more information to believe in science-
than there is to believe in you tyrants,-
to you i actually was commited but i’m no longer”’still dee voted,- (dee voted – devoted)
sh-t i even read the bible and believed that you really wrote it,-
i believed in the rightous morals and love which you instill,-
i used to think you were true ‘n real,-
so i’d pray to you waitin’ for a response ’cause there’s a pain inside me only you can heal,-
i’m only human”’still,-i try to make the best of this situation but”’i’m too sick,-
‘n i ain’t gettin’ any better just sittin’ in my room alone listenin’ to”’my music,- (mime music, i’m too sick)
see i keep prayin’ to god for help ‘n answers but he doesn’t answer me though i keep waitin’ until”’they respond ‘n wonder why,-
’cause i’m losin’ my faith in ’em man all i f-ckin’ wanted from ’em was the”’greatest bond ‘n one reply,-
see you remind me of my”’real thievin’ father,-
who stole my childhood but never took responsibility or had ever been in my life but i keep prayin’ he’ll show up though i don’t know why i”’still even bother,-
…’cause at this point i don’t know what someone like me expects to happen,-
i used to put you before everything but now i just put s-x next to rappin’,-
…i’ve succ-mbed to filthy pleasure,-‘n temptations just from the guilty pressure,-
i’ve been lead by a false preachin’ prophet,-
whose only intentions are to manipulate my actions ‘n my brain so they benefit ‘n gain large hauls leechin’ off it,- (action’s’o, benefit leechin’ off it)
while i feel like a scared chicken whose only purpose in life is to be k!lled ‘n”’be sent to the slaughter,-
‘n the same probably applies to my sister who was born with severe deficiencies you must have”’resented ya daughter,-
and for a while i’ve been wonderin’ if you really care for me,-
when i needed help the most ‘n even now you aren’t there for me,-
people are thinkin’ i’m crazy ‘n suggestin’ therapy,-
all my thoughts are manifestations of heresy,-
why am i sufferin’ so much while other people are livin’ merrily,-
do you have no mercy to give ‘n spare for me?-
how come churches help other people but i don’t get ain’t gettin’ charity,-
people tell me my life is precious ‘n i should savor ‘n treasure it,-
but everytime i’d try to enjoy it they’d condemn me for the way i did sayin’ my faith would waver ‘n pleasure it,-
‘n to me i feel like i have no reason to keep celebratin’ my birth on earth which was one of my worse days,-
especially since i don’t understand why i was born on earth in the first place,-
couldn’t i have been raised properly or”’born in the higher heaven too?-
’cause the way i see it my only purpose on earth is to watch”’p-rn ‘n acquire revenue,-
i just wanted to live peacefully in my environment and enjoy life but i didn’t have a”’clue ‘n never knew,-
that there would be so many obstacles which i’d have”’too endeavor through,- (too – to)
i’m only”’a human but still-
i thought you would help me but i guess i was just”’-ssumin’ what’s real,-
like other people believin’ they knew sh-t,-
but i was just lookin’ at sh-t the way it seemed to me most other people perceived ‘n they vuewed it,- (vuew -view)
just like they were influenced by society ‘n taught how to do it,-
but don’t get me wrong i truly want to believe ‘n have a place reserved for me at the”’top in heaven,-
i don’t wanna feel compelled to write a song like the ill mind of”’hopsin seven,-
but i feel like this is somethin’ i must do,-
i’ve lost almost all my faith in you but you can redeem yourself to me by respondin’ to this for my sake ‘n then maybe i’ll trust you,-
so if you really care then scrutinize these words that i’m rappin’ to you,-
’cause truly i feel like i’m a godforsaken animal trapped in a zoo,-
i’m always on edge ‘n it feels like at any moment i could snap into two,-
‘n you can judge me but you don’t know me if you don’t understand what i’ve experienced if it ain’t happened to you,-
’cause like i said i feel like a godforsaken animal born in a slaughterhouse just livin’ to die,-
i want to enjoy my life ‘n do good for the world but i ain’t even given a try,-
i’m confused ‘n beginnin’ to think almost everything i’ve heard is a lie,-
i’m trapped in this livin’ h-ll wonderin’ if in life is my only purpose to die,-
these religions when they speak to you every word is to try,-
to manipulate your influences ‘n scold you-
so you do what you’re told to,-
it’s like they’ve controlled you,-
they cajoled you,-they consoled you,-
it’s like you got the mind of a three year old too,-
it’s like almost everything you’ve heard is a lie,-
they make you believe it’s your only purpose to die,-after you service a guy,-
‘n go to a better place in paradise,-but anyone with a pair of eyes-
can see for themselves if their precise-through their disguise-
‘n their device-to manipulate the world ‘n that there is no paradise,- (their – they’re)
but these fools that believe in a god are scared of lies,-
‘n they’re paralyzed-’cause just the mention of god terrifies,-‘n continues to terrorize,-
so i’m wonderin’ if i should worship or beware of christ,-
and their leaders keep enforcin’ traditional religious values which they won’t dare revise,-
but i ain’t fallin’ for this”’true paradise sh-t,-
if the bible was truly written by god then show me the creature”’who verifies it,-
so see i try to remain faithful but i’m so confused and”’hopeless i require a sign,-
i refuse to believe in a”’sophist whose desires’ malign,-
i refuse to follow or to”’try ‘n believe in the cults,-
lead by evil deceitful people ‘n”’lyin’ deceivin’ adults-
also known as sophists,-their primary objective is to manipulate you for their cause ‘n i know this,-
that’s why they’re so p-ssed,-
at me but that’s it! i don’t care anymore ’cause!
-chorus, singsong voice-
i’ve had enough, i’m done, i can’t take anymore,-
god i’ve tried my best to be faithful but what did you forsaken me for?…
do you””real”’ly care for meeeee?
if i stop prayin’ now will you””still be there for me,-
i’m goin’ crazy without you but i don’t need some silly therapy,-
i pray to you lord,-i need your support,-
i ain’t spittin’ this rap just for an award,-
please tell me is i who you have always abhorred,-
i havn’t seen any signs in my life that prove that it is i who you’ve adored,-
all these other rappers glorifyin’ sinful activities yet they have things i’ve never been able to afford
i just wanted to live a happy life with a happy family,-
i never really needed this cr-ppy d-mn money,-
but now i can barely afford to survive this isn’t how it was supposed to be,-
and i’ve lost almost everybody who’s been close to me,-
i’ve become awkward socially,-this isn’t what i wanted but this is who i chose to be,-
i wonder if this world is god’s wish of the bible or if this is just how man applied it,-
is it true that god manipulates or controls our fates ‘n we can’t decide it?-
’cause at this point i’m so confused questioning everything i just want the right answer but it seems”’a human can’t provide it,-
i really wanna go to this happy place called heaven but i wonder if it’s anything like how i”’-ssume ‘n fantasize it,-
’cause i know they provide an object like the bible ‘n incentives to manipulate how will”’a human -n-lyze it,-
‘n it seems like bullsh-t to me but i admit it seems so”’true ‘n can’t deny it,- (was above)and at this point i’m so confused questioning everything i just want the right answer but it seems”’a human can’t provide it,-
no matter how much i dispute it even though i think it’s”’shrewd ‘n despise it,- (was below ^) i looked at the bible ‘n chose to read”’through ‘n -n-lyse it,-
but it seems to me like people keep tryin’ to cover up”’the truth ‘n disguise it,-
i imagine life in this world ‘n it seems reasonable to believe an omnipotent bein designed it,-
‘n honestly i wanna believe but god where’s a sign sh-t,-how long is it gonna take me even to find it,-
is heaven really the way the people have defined it?-
i’m startin’ to see through the big lie ‘n the ulterior motives behind it,-
so don’t expect me to be simple minded-i cultivated the knowledge in my brain ‘n refined it,-
it’s too late to rewind it,-
but still i keep wonderin’ if there’s an existence that might”’be greater ‘n higher than my bein’,-
i keep callin’ out to this world’s supposed”’creator inquirin’ why we can,-
only speculate about rumors ’cause in the end that’s all there”’really is to it,-
yet”’still we dispute it,-
is it all really just political?-
are these words literal?-
i feel like i’ve been brainwashed ‘n now i’m lost lookin’ for my savior ‘n it’s pitiful
i just want your all knowing suggestion,-i keep pilin’ question-upon question-
i wanna ask you ‘n i really want an answer to ’em so i just keep guessin’,-
i’m too paranoid to -ssume i know somethin’ but i wonder really who knows?-
how many times people must ask you this sh-t man i bet it’s silly do those-
questions bother you? i wonder, are you my friend or if we’re enemies at the end of this song will we still be true foes?-
all i wanted you to do was help me live a happy life ‘n provide help for me,-
but it seems all you do for me is ignore me,-i’m startin’ to think you abhor me,-
i’m not tryin’ to be corny-i’m just speakin’ my mind,-
and besides that there’s really not much left for me tis say,- (tis – to)
except i regret this situation and wish things didn’t have to be this way,-
my physical and mental state’s deterioratin’ rapidly,-
i look at life ‘n wonder is this really how it had to be,-
such a tragedy,-but it isn’t my fault god please don’t be mad at me,-
….i’m sorry, oh i’m so sorry, i let you down. miranda i let you down. mother i let you down
my entire family i let you down…i let myself down….i’m f-ckin’ h-llbound,-echo h-llbound 3 times-
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