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x (random) - writer's block lyrics

-chorus-
i don’t know what to say i’m trapped in a stump,-
wrapped in a slump,-enveloped by confusion ‘n hatred,-
i don’t know how to explain it-or say it-
all i know is i may quit-‘consumed by darkness ‘n i hate it,-
i feel like i’m about to go insane ‘n crazy,-my mind’s growin’ blank ‘n hazy,-
i struggle to think tryin’ to”’decide a thought,-
which words should go where i can’t decide which answer”’is right or not,-
i try to think out”’side the box,-but i’m sufferin’ from writer blocks,-
f-ck…

i’m”’livin’ my life in trouble,-
constantly i ask god to help me ‘n grant me the strength to fight but i’m only”’given lies strife ‘n struggle,-

they say it’s a blessin’ in disguise,-
so i stand up to take it as a lesson ‘n arise-

guessin’ it’s supposed to make me a better person,-
‘n i try so hard to be but it seems to me like everything i do is never workin’,-

so i’m always cryin’ ‘n whinin’,-
i’m sick ‘n twisted but i’m just tryin’ to find an outlet to use to start tryin’ unwindin’,-

sufferin’ from an overwhelming pain in my chest ‘n supressin”’depression pretendin’,-
i’m allright tryin’ to explain my feelings to express ’em ‘n stress ’em but i always fail so i end up in a mess ‘n repressin’ just stressin’ again ‘n,-

i feel inferior and shy so i act like a frigh”’tened spider ‘n hide,-
in a corner my self esteem is dwindling like my confidence like a dy”’in’ fire inside,-
…
i attempt to redeem myself but i’ve pretty much forsaken my ambitions and only feel an over”’whelmin’ thrivin’ desire to cry,-
always depressed i have no motivation or influence that would encourage me to ex”’cel ‘n strive ‘n aspire to try,-
…
i want help but noone besides me understands my feelings so i keep tryin’ like an”’ill possessed”’denyin’ liar to lie-
but i’m fl-stered and i lack l-ster so i look at my life but i only”’feel depressed””’n i’m inspired to die,-
the truth hurts too much and life’s too painful so i pop some paink!llers ‘n try to deny-
the facts wonderin’ if this is god’s response to my actions while i pray to him for a nicer reply,-
…
but i’ve never seen my dad so i wonder does my father hate me?-
i need help i don’t need anyone to tell me why i’ve been feelin’ this way lately,-
but i’ve been listenin’ to eminem recently and it’s been increasingly affecting my self esteem a lot still ‘n greatly,-
makes me wanna write rhymes like him that vividly express how i’ve been feelin’ lately,-
even if children hate me,-real insanely,-i’m ill ‘n crazy,-
i have the potential to rap but i’ve been feelin’ lazy,-
i lack the motivation and the will ‘n maybe,-
i do not de”’serve it,-sometimes i wonder if takin’ a new shot is”’worth it,-
i don’t got homies to tell me “you got this your(yur)sh-t-/you got this don’t quit/
is amazing don’t quit” i just look up to eminem in envy like i”’even bought his first hit,-
i listen to his sh-t and think this is the most”’deep ‘n hottest verse spit,-
and here i am i just”’freakin’ brought this worse sh-t,-
i can’t even compare to him even though i”’got this verse spit,-
my head tells me to conceal the hatred though my heart says do”’not reserve it,-
but i don’t know how to word it,-
i listened to his music and lost all confidence as soon as i heard it,-
i think i might for sure quit-as i think about him to myself “you’re sick-i can’t measure up to your(yur)wit-you’re perfect”-
plus i’m never -sserted,-i don’t belong in this game i have no permit,-
so much for a diverse first hit,-this is the worse verse spit,-
i’m contemplatin’ suicide so don’t be suprised if you find me with my wrists in my he-rs- slit,-

’cause since the beginning of this song my suicidal urges”’bec”’ame much stronger,-
‘n i really can’t endure this”’sick pain much longer,- /endure the pain much longer – urges became much stronger/
i really want the fortune the fame ‘n sh-t,-i wanna repay my mother for supportin’ a shame ‘n it,-
means a lot helpin me get to where i’m at even if i end up in h-ll just scorchin’ in flames ‘n quit,-
livin’ but i ain’t gonna lie,-i’ve lost almost all reason to live at this point i just wanna die,-
i cry out for help but noone listens to what”’i speak ‘n try to say
i’m tired of livin’ ‘n i just keep sleepin””my freakin’ life away,-
i’ve accomplished nothin’ ‘n i have no reason to feel motivated noone would care if””i even died today,-
honestly i try to develop interests and ambitions”’but don’t even have a vision,-
i can’t see or imagine a better future stuck in a constant state of”’alone grievin’ avolition,-

i struggle to recite these lyrics ‘n i’m tired of not”’knowin’ what to do,-
’cause everytime i try to express my feelings i only manage to”’choke ‘n stutter too,-
all i know is i don’t wanna continue to feel”’bad ‘n suffer the pain,-
i’ve”’had enough of the strain,-…
i swear i’m”’f-ckin’ done ‘n ’em finished,- (’em – i’m)
though i’m trapped in a nightmarish void my dreams are in like my hopes have been”’stuck in one ‘n diminished,-
…
‘n i feel so hopeless,-tryin’ to be the dopest,-i’m losin’ focus,-
i feel like i’m about to”’go insane ‘n crazy,-my mind’s”’growin’ blank ‘n hazy,-
i struggle to think tryin’ to”’decide a thought,-
which words should go where i can’t determine which answer”’is right or not,-
i try to think out”’side the box,-but i’m sufferin’ from writer blocks,-
…f-ck…this is my struggle -maybe echo my struggle-

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