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xénothecreator - i wrote this on my 17th birthday lyrics

[verse 1:]
i had a nightmare bout a f-cking demon
he was plotting on me he was f-cking scheming
he tryna plan on my downfall
and won’t stop as long i’m f-cking breathing
its been three years since f-cking cried
two seconds since i said i wanted to die
i don’t really wanna lie
i just wanna leave the earth escape into the sky
i had woke up from the dream
i had to run from the screams
i had to run from the pain
i’m f-cking going insane
i never wanted to leave
i never wanted to bleed
mom i just wanted to change
i never wanted to see
but now when i hop out the bed and i look in the mirror i see that the demon is me
why the f-ck am i depressed
can’t seem to the handle the stress
got me breaking at the seams
life is never what it seems
life is never what it seems
most of this sh-t i deserve
i gotta lot of people to apologize to
i’ll get to y’all in second
everyone else gon and take a seat
and just listen up here’s my confessions
they put me in the f-cking handcuffs
and i ain’t feel a thing
i wasn’t scared i wasn’t angry i just wasn’t listening
and i get scared at the thought
that i’m something that isnt really human
isn’t really human

[verse 2:]
i ain’t never had my first kiss till i was sixteen
and i’m seventeen today
i don’t know if i believe in god sometimes
and its been f-ckin minute since i prayed
it shame that i can’t say the things that i really wanna
the only who could bring it outta me was that n-gg- jahseh
hey
now i wanna go and cry
why’d he have to go and die
rest in peace to lil peep
rest in peace my little brother
i feel the presence from heaven he lookin right over my shoulder
wish he was a little older
wish i could show him the way
wish i could teach him the difference between right and wrong
he can learn from my mistakes
i had to travel some miles to get some water
ain’t get a dime from my f-cking father
and he wasn’t there when i needed him
i got on my knees and i pleaded with him
but he never showed
i guess he had other sh-t to do
my momma she stayed and she was tru
but i gotta do it for me
xéno this here is my message to you
get it how you f-cking live or die trying n-gg-
that’s the way the game go
never trust a f-cking soul
these n-gg-s smile in yo face and then kick in yo door
always wear a f-cking smile
cuz it’ll get it better
i swear it’ll get better for you
never forget all the people supporting you
cuz them be the ones that be true to u

[verse 3:]
to my ex girl bruh im sorry for cheating on you
we was fighting i’m sorry for hitting on you
i’m sorry for breaking you down and instead of encouragement i was just sh-ttin on you
to my dead friends i’m so sorry i wasn’t enough
i wasn’t tough
i never gave you a reason to live even though i tried it was never enough
to my best friend
im sorry that i’m such wreck
that you gotta constantly put me check
there were times i was ready to end it and you talked me out if it girl you the best
and last but not least
momma i’m sorry i’m sorry i can’t ve the man that you want me to be
momma i’m sorry for stealing from you when we ain’t had the money to eat
momma i’m sorry that i don’t wanna go to college
i found another way to get the knowledge
imma make it on my own
i wanna sit on the throne
because i’m a king
that’s what you told me all my life
so why am i holding the knife
tell me i i am a legend then why do i still wanna die
f-ck

- xenothecreator lyrics

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