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xtorinx - 2. chronic hallucinatory psychosis lyrics

[verse 1]
it’s been a while since i’ve had the motivation to do this
i had given up, on my dreams with this music
i stopped looking for beats n’ stopped writing completely
i was stuck reminiscing about touring and how i let it defeat me

an’ i don’t know what it was about it that turned me away
maybe i felt like, i dunno, i was turning a page
i still had so much, that i wanted to do
i just couldn’t for the life of me find the right words to say

[verse 2]
see, i saw everyone start spitting n’ i’m just so compet-tive, that i just wanted to kick them out of this house when i should have let them in
i hated hearing these new kid’s tracks when they started buzzin’
this was supposed to be my thing so my mind was like “f-ck ’em”
i was selfish and i have no shame to admit it, i was just to committed to the system i wouldn’t listen, in my mind if you weren’t my friend you were my compet-tion, on a mission to squash those kids when i should’a tried to befriend them

[verse 3]
and i felt i had to put on a persona, to be this hard motherf-cker when i just should’a grown up, because i started feeling limited n’ felt i had to act like that to hold up an image, just to gain some respect

now i’m done with the politics, i just want to be happy, and truly be myself with this music so when somebody asks me: “is that really you rapping?”
instead of feeling embarr-ssed, i can smile back at ’em n’ say “yeah, that’s me!”

[verse 4]
see this isn’t ’bout the money n’ looking back, it never was
i’d rather be broke doing what i enjoy than rich from something i never loved
and i hope you can hear that in all of these sentences. i just grew tired of this game n’ now i’m ready to level up

and i’m done with this split-personality sh-t
but sometimes, it takes over and i’m just tryin’a control it
‘cuz i did all this for me and i wouldn’t change, a single thing ‘cuz i used this to cope
it was never ’bout the, fame…

- xtorinx lyrics

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