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xurbulentt - chasing mirages - demo lyrics

the picture i painted is tarnished, i’m immune to catharsis
i can’t escape from the darkness, i’m chasing mirages
i betrayed her regardless, i was blind, i was heartless
i can’t escape from the darkness, i’m chasing mirages

oh, woah, oh
oh, woah, oh
oh, woah, oh
oh, woah, oh

one night stands tryna numb the pain, thoughts spinning round in my head like a hurricane
now i’m struggling to breathe, i’ma suffocate, i start to feel all my confidence fluctuate
watching the hope in me wash away, deeply ashamed of the things that i contemplate
i’m alone in my room and i’m locked away, praying to god for somеbody to stop the pain
she’ll still temporarily stay hеre but she’ll never love me, all of my narcissist traits are too ugly
i’ll play with her heart, then get left in the dark and then claim i’m unlucky
we’re in separate countries, she’s ducking my facetimes at night, it’s beginning to bug me
i know the road can get bumpy, but i guess that i need to know if there’s someone above me
still i need her to stay and it’s eating away in my head so i gotta address it
is it better to keep her or leave her and give up cause i know that girl is a blessing?
my paranoia has made me disloyal and i’m thinking i should admit it
well maybe i’m bout to be put in the past like i never existed

maybe this depth of reflection’s a trait that i need, maybe my soul ain’t as stained as it seems
maybe the pain will erase when i bleed, maybe i’ll change all my ways if she leaves

hedonic treadmill, i crank up the speed, i’m a dopamine fiend, i’m enslaved by my greed
but i need to be freed as it leaves me depleted, it seems like the voices in me disagree
blessings disguised as a curse in my eyes, pleasure increased but contentment declined
purpose and meaning will light up my life, i’m praying for silence inside of my mind

i crave solitude, i crave connection
i crave healing, i crave acceptance
to feel freedom, i need to suffer
i’m chasing something more while i pray for comfort
i crave commitment but block affection
i crave to erase paradoxical tension
she’ll never get commitment from me, just pessimism
i objectify and use her for my s+x addiction
split between opposing forces, don’t know how to trust no more
while my ambition and my gratitude play tug of war
yeah, confrontation with my thoughts
uh, always pray for something more
tryna balance inner peace with ambition, i made wrong decisions
call it conscious sinning
now i’m lost and distant, drained of optimism
i’m a contradiction, all my morals missing
and all of my voices conflict and erupt inside, fighting each other, i struggle, no lullabies
spilled out her soul, my behaviour corrupted mine, being untrustworthy made all my trust decline
now i struggle with self+doubt, i’m restless, it’s best to accept i need help now
her friends never liked me, i sense in my psyche, they’re friendly but some of the energy’s icy
i’m sat here regretting my shameful decisions, i tainted the vision and wasted commitment
by chasing the pleasure, it made me malignant, and twisted, perplexed with a painful existence
i’m vacant and distant, unfaithful with women, i’m messed up just like my circadian rhythm
betrayed her and now i just pray i’m forgiven, i’m chasing mirages all day in this prison

- xurbulentt lyrics

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