xxxtentacion – i beat her (pitchfork confession) lyrics
xxxtentacion: look how fast i’ll f-ck that up ’cause i couldn’t control my f-cking anger. [laughs] you feel me? i disgust myself. every day i’ll have no pride looking in the mirror. i disgust myself. and you know what, it’s funny, i love it
man: d-mn
xxxtentacion: i love that i disgust myself. i eat my negativity every single day. and you know what comes up more? more negativity. and no matter where i go or where i search for any sort of re-ssurance, something’s gonna f-ck me over, bruh
woman 1: so where’s your positivity?
xxxtentacion: there is none
woman 1: why?
xxxtentacion: it’s not me
woman 1: why?!
xxxtentacion: that’s my positivity. [the ex-girlfriend] got positivity
woman 1: so what’s up?
xxxtentacion: she doing the wrong thing though. so, let me ask you a question, right? you’re in jail. your homeboy that you take care of, right? he f-cked your girlfriend. right? he f-cked your girlfriend, gave her lots of drugs, and f-ck her, and f-ck her, right? you come home. first [unintelligible] you took care of her for like three, four months. take care of her for a while. she ain’t got n0body to take care of her. clothes. shoes. a house to stay in. a four-bedroom apartment. you feel me? kittens. all types of crazy sh-t, you feel me, dropping bands. right? you get out. the people you take care of. you get out. the day you get out, you see her, right? she kiss you on your lips, you feel me, feel up on you da da da. “i love you, i would never do anything to hurt you,” da da da. you go, you go to the, you go to the house. and your dog. before she tell you. before she tell you. before he told her to tell you. make sure you tell me the truth and i’ll forgive you. you tell her to tell you. you go home. y’all fine, y’all smokin, y’all chillin’, da da da. you order pizza, you making sure everybody straight. [unintelligible] you on the phone. your dog tell you, your dog tell you that [unintelligible] n-gga f-cked your b-tch. [laughs] telling you he f-cked your b-tch. [redacted] i will k!ll this b-tch if she play with me. that’s the real deal. you feel me. on some sh-t like that. and i think any man would bruh. any man would bruh
man: i feel you but d-mn, bro
xxxtentacion: yeah bro. yeah bro. [unintelligible crosstalk]
man: it’s no use worrying about these things man. [unintelligible crosstalk]
xxxtentacion: no, i know it’s not, bruh. [unintelligible crosstalk]
man: i understand where you’re coming from… [unintelligible]
xxxtentacion: yeah. you come home. your dogs robbing you. the n-ggas you took care of since they met you. and gave everybody face. n0body dropped no money on your commissary. the only person that looked out for you was your mom. the only people that answer was really her, my mom, and my basically brother [redacted]. and even then, she came to visitation, dog. visitations telling me i could trust her, right? the first time it happened, i don’t mean to put your business out there, but i’m doing it to you since you like to put your business out there, you like to say sh-t about me. [redacted] she came to my visitation and let me know, and i forgave her, you feel me. i had to scare it out of her. i had to sit there and scare it out of her. that’s why i’m tellin’ y’all brother. let me do my thing, you feel me. i know how to get the truth out of her
so. i’m in my [unintelligible]. all the old heads, you know the cool ones been through this a thousand times. “your b-tch gone f-cked somebody, fam, you gotta get over it. you need to forgive her and move on once you get the truth.” once you get the truth, you feel me? but if you can’t get the truth [unintelligible] just forget that sh-t. “it’s gonna happen,” they tellin’ me. i’m like, “nah, not her bruh, she love me, she care about me, she know better, i’ma k!ll her, da da da, da.” you feel me? they was like, “what you gonna k!ll her for? you probably the type of n-gga that k!ll your b-tch and then k!ll yourself, ain’t it?” and i was like, “yeah.” they was like, “that’s weak. you weak if you do that. you weak. a real man gonna forgive her, and then move on.” once you get the truth, right?
so. i don’t like to be called weak. i don’t like to be called p-ssy. so you know what i did? i got out expecting these things. ’cause you know what level of frequency my mind is on. i got out because i knew what was going to happen. [redacted] so she did that to me, right? you know what i did? i forgave her. pat on the back. don’t lie to me. you feel me? she wasn’t with me at the time so i’ll give her that. she wasn’t with me. you feel me? but you just picturing. [redacted] and i’ve seen it done, don’t get me wrong. and i f-cked another n-gga b-tch while he was in jail. this b-tch [redacted], i don’t know if you know her. [redacted]. she used to hang out with [redacted], i f-cked that sh-t [unintelligible crosstalk]. i ran through that sh-t and then i beat up [redacted]. i beat up her boyfriend
woman 1: i used to date [redacted]
xxxtentacion: i beat him up. i beat that n-gga up. f-ck that soft–ss n-gga
woman 1: you’re funny
xxxtentacion: i beat that soft n-gga up. i slapped him. i palm-slapped him. [unintelligible crosstalk]
so [the ex-girlfriend] did that to me, right? but because [redacted] i was in, locked up, i’m like, “all right, ok, it’s cool.” but then, sure enough, i get out. [laughs] [redacted] so you know what i do, initially? ’cause i used to f-ck her up bruh. i used to f-ck her up, bruh. you know what i did? i didn’t touch her. i didn’t touch her. i forgive her. i forgive her. i forgive her [unintelligible]. i just wanted the truth. and bits and pieces kept coming out from somebody else that i’ve never heard, right? [a phone rings on vibrate.] bits and pieces, bits and pieces, bits and pieces. so i’ma say this
oh here go this other b-tch. h-llo? [person on phone talks; unintelligible] twenty minutes away? all right. just text me when you’re here
woman 1: where are you going? where the f-ck you going?
xxxtentacion: that was just [redacted]. she about to smoke me up. y’all want some smoke? what’s his name and them supposed to still come, [redacted] supposed to come. but yeah that b-tch was supposed to smoke me up
but yeah. she did that to me. and bruh. sh-t keep comin’ out bruh. and then she’ll drop me bits and details, right? and then she tell me she don’t know what happened. [redacted] remember how she told you that she didn’t remember? when i was in that room, she says, i was like, “tell me the truth bruh and i’ll let it go. tell me the truth. just tell me truth.” [redacted]
and then i asked her another question just to catch her in her lie. just to catch her and make sure i know she lyin’. ’cause now i know she lying about certain parts. and i’ma get it out of her. i’m not gonna hit her. but then i asked her, i was like, “did [redacted] sleep in that bed with you?” you know what she said before? “no.” [laughs] “no.” [redacted] slept in the bed with her. now, i’m gonna tell you how i pieced together your lie. i’ma tell you in a second. i ain’t gonna hit you. i just want the truth. i want the truth so i can move on with my life
yeah, i pieced together one of her lies, but yeah, she slept in the bed with that n-gga. she said they didn’t, but you know this b-tch lying. [laughs] you know this b-tch lying. you know this b-tch is lying. i’ma tell you everything. i’ma tell you every detail and how i finally got to piece this sh-t together. but [redacted], if you love or respect me, i just want the truth out of this girl, then she can leave
woman 1: i can’t give y’all private time. this here. she gotta speak right now, ’cause that’s what we’re doing. like, i’m sorry. we’re already like— [unintelligible crosstalk]
xxxtentacion: h-ll nah. [laughs]
woman 1: like, i feel you
xxxtentacion: [unintelligible]
woman 1: bro, like, i don’t know what you wanna do. because i don’t even know you like that. real sh-t. i wouldn’t disrespect you either. out of respect not only for myself [unintelligible] but because i wouldn’t do that to anybody. [unintelligible]. you’re a woman so…
unidentified woman: what are you asking me?
woman 1: i’m saying, like, what y’all wanna do
xxxtentacion: i’ll tell you. i’m going to leave. if you love me [unintelligible]. i’ll leave in the morning. but if you love me, you make sure she’s straight bruh. because as f-cked up as—
woman 1: she can stay here!
xxxtentacion: as much as i’ve told you. you know what’s funny as f-ck, i still love this b-tch bruh. [laughs] it’s crazy as f-ck. you’re gonna find someone. just like you love your mom, you feel me? just as much as you love your mom, you’re gonna find someone that make you feel equivalent. and [unintelligible] just like you. and then you will feel how i feel. and i’m telling you. i’m telling you to your face—you’re not gonna jump off a cliff, i’m just crazy for that sh-t—but my n-gga, you’re gonna go through the same sh-t. somebody gonna hurt you this way, and you’re not gonna know how to deal with it. you’re not gonna know how to deal with it. ’cause you’re not going to walk away, ’cause that’s your b-tch. you’re not going to walk away. you’re not going to consistently hit them, because that sh-t, it f-cked them up, you feel me?
woman 1: [unintelligible] for me, it never gets to that f-ckin’ point
man: all right. [unintelligible crosstalk]
woman 1: i don’t take it [unintelligible crosstalk]
man: yeah bro. i haven’t been through that bro. but did you hear what she said? i didn’t let—
xxxtentacion: it didn’t get to that point
man: exactly. nah, look. if i see somebody’s who’s on some sh-t like you, i’m with them, and then like they’re just for everybody. then that just shows me, like, bro, i can’t get too deep or, like, crazy with this person, you feel me? because then, off rip, like, i’ma have to be like always there, like, d-mn, she’s for everybody, you feel me? and then when my back is turned, of course everybody’s gonna be for everybody so at the end of the day, you can’t stop that
xxxtentacion: who’s [unintelligible] everybody? [laughs]
woman 1: [unintelligible] it’s different on both sides
man: but listen though. at the end of the day. [unintelligible] they do have people who know how other people move and still try to work it out, you feel me? at the end of the day you do not have to k!ll yourself. [unintelligible] love counselor or some sh-t. you feel me? and y’all put on all your differences. [unintelligible] have like a professional. [unintelligible crosstalk]
xxxtentacion: she just need to tell me the truth
woman 1: that’s one of the most annoying things, i can relate to that because that just happened to me and [redacted]
xxxtentacion: n-gga wasn’t telling the truth
woman 1: he held it, he held onto it. [unintelligible crosstalk] it wasn’t even the truth. it wasn’t even the truth. i don’t know what happened, but he heard from somebody that i cheated on him. during that, i wasn’t even with him. [unintelligible; someone knocks on door] i was not with him. i don’t have to f-ckin’ lie. [unintelligible]
xxxtentacion: that was the only reason why i gave her a p-ss on her whole situation with her ex. [redacted] and i believe her. but she probably lie about that too
woman 1: that’s what i’m saying [unintelligible crosstalk]. it’s annoying as f-ck…
xxxtentacion: bruh, i’ma get myself—i’ma get arrested either way. look, [redacted]
woman 1: i got over it. you can do the same but [unintelligible crosstalk] this sh-t?
man: you can get over things
xxxtentacion: i’ma get arrested. [redacted] look, i’ma get arrested either way. would you rather me get arrested happy, or miserable. ’cause i will go in that sh-t and i will k!ll myself. and you know i’m capable of it. [laughs] i will go in that sh-t and i will k!ll myself. so would you rather me be either happy, or miserable
man: why you are so obsessed with wanting to k!lling yourself?
xxxtentacion: i’m not obsessed with wanting to k!ll myself
man: nah but you keep on screaming like you want to k!ll yourself
xxxtentacion: yeah, ’cause i’ve reached a point my life bruh where there’s a lot of obstacles that are mental. you don’t know the pain bruh. you just don’t know
man: understand, but listen to me now. [unintelligible] k!ll yourself bruh. that sh-t is like [unintelligible crosstalk]. if you feel that way you need to go a pastor and they’ll baptize you
woman 1: exactly!
xxxtentacion: we’re different people
unidentified woman: if you want better for yourself, if you want the cycle to stop you have to go for something that will stop it. [unintelligible crosstalk] i’m not saying you’re gonna find that through a god, you could find that through any source …
xxxtentacion: what n0body’s understanding, i put my source of happiness in another person, which was a mistake initially, right? but she fell through on every occasion until now. until i started f-cking her up bruh. but i started f-cking her up because she made one mistake. and from there, the whole cycle went down. now she’s scared. that girl is scared for her life. which i understand. ’cause [redacted], you seen me. you know what i do to people. [redacted] know, all of them boys knew. it’s on f-cking new times. i’m on new times for stabbing, how many people they put in the news, they said three, it was eight. in deerfield. she know that. she’s seen this sh-t. she’s seen when i came back from stabbing [redacted] in orlando. she seen when i came back. had a brand new laptop. no tears on my face, no remorse. i just knew i was going to jail. she know. so she’s scared. she thinks i’m going to k!ll her. she doesn’t realize, once i hear the truth, bruh, i can make a real decision bruh. and i’m saying that to you, i’m saying that out loud. the sooner, i mean it bruh, something positive could come out of that. and i’m not forcing you to say something that—
woman 1: and that, that’s light right there. something positive can come out of that. i don’t, i don’t, i don’t—please don’t get me wrong, i looked at you just now, and i seen something different. and i’m not saying that in a bad way. it’s a good way. i just seen fear in your eyes. that’s what i seen. but i feel something different. if there’s something that you’re not saying—bro
xxxtentacion: just get this sh-t over with, bruh
woman 1: you feel me?
xxxtentacion: look. [unintelligible crosstalk]
woman 1: because i can’t—that’s it
unidentified woman: [unintelligible] the truth. [unintelligible]
woman 1: well, see. that’s it. i don’t know. this is the thing. either you believe that. and you leave it alone
xxxtentacion: it’s funny how bits and pieces come out, and every time something relevant come out, you got some new info. [unintelligible crosstalk]
woman 1: what else can happen? you feel me?
xxxtentacion: all i can do at this point bruh. nah. i got something that i’m going to say to her that’s going to make her think. i’m not going to put my hands on her, as i said, i respect y’all house. i just did something that was completely crazy as f-ck. that is it for the night. or, at all. i’m tired bruh. this sh-t pointless bruh
woman 1: yes
xxxtentacion: nah, i mean everything bruh, i mean everything is pointless bruh. this sh-t all pointless
woman 1: it—it may seem pointless—
xxxtentacion: nah, i’m not talking about life and sh-t, period. i’m just saying anything that has involved itself with me has been pointless. therefore i’ma just go back bruh. i’ma go back in the morning bruh. i’ma pipe this sh-t up bruh. take care of her please bruh. i’ma leave y’all with a little 500 bruh. i’ma get money [unintelligible] and i’ma give it to her bruh. just make sure she straight bruh. pipe that sh-t up bruh. f-ck it
i know you don’t want me to have private time bruh, but just let me figure my sh-t out so that way when i go in the morning bruh i’m straight bruh. i’ma get this sh-t over with. i just need y’all to trust me. i don’t got nothing else to lose at this point, ’cause she done told me some other sh-t bruh that she did not tell me before so i know she’s lying. so all i can get now is the truth. i already heard enough. i’m already gonna tell her what i know
woman 1: but like you just said at this point [unintelligible] give you private time
xxxtentacion: i’ll go outside bruh. no, outside the front bruh. i need to talk to that girl bruh. [unintelligible crosstalk] let’s just work it out to where i can leave bruh
woman 1: i don’t want you to—
xxxtentacion: you tryna have me sit here
woman 1: i don’t want you to have to stay in a sp-ce or area, but [unintelligible crosstalk]
xxxtentacion: that’s what i’m saying!
woman 1: have her leave. if that’s the situation, have her go stay [redacted]
xxxtentacion: no she don’t want to go to the airbnb. [unintelligible crosstalk] [louder, insistent] bruh. i’m telling you bruh. i handle everything bruh. when anything goes down and anybody leaves, it comes through me. everything
woman 1: so what the f-ck was [unintelligible] before you?
xxxtentacion: orlando. orlando and then distant shows that i would get and people that i would meet. they would start f-ckin’ with it. how do you think everybody got a career? i did all that sh-t bruh and n-ggas still f-cking me over bruh. so, let me talk to her and i’m straight. that’s it. [unintelligible]
woman 1: i know but, bro, like, i’m not, i can’t do that
xxxtentacion: then i’ll sit right here. or just let me leave. [unintelligible] tonight, bruh, i’m done with this sh-t bruh. i mean it bruh. i’m done bruh. i’m done with this sh-t
man: [unintelligible crosstalk] you have a friend here that’s looking out for you. she looking out for you ’cause at the end of the day she’s real right now bro, so you don’t have to be inside jail right now
woman 1: that is not the f-cking spot to be in. [unintelligible crosstalk]
man: at the end of the day you say n0body care about you
xxxtentacion: she care. let me explain something to y’all. you wanna know why i couldn’t stay at [redacted], [redacted]? [unintelligible crosstalk]
woman 1: i already know
xxxtentacion: n0body like her. [unintelligible crosstalk]
man: bro, you have a life and a career ahead of you
xxxtentacion: i don’t care about that. [laughs]
man: listen to me bro. you need to care about that cause at the end of the day that girl life and yours [unintelligible crosstalk]. you have to love and care yourself before anything else. no disrespect homegirl, you feel me, at the end of the day you can’t want to k!ll yourself over something like that bro. [unintelligible crosstalk] if that’s what’s making you feel like your world is not whole, and you just want to get rid of life and like, i wanna go to jail and just take care of her and at the end of the day, it’s just gonna be the same sh-t [unintelligible]. that sh-t do not make no sense bruh. you’re young, my man. [unintelligible] i’m 26 bro. i’m here to tell you that that sh-t don’t make no sense
xxxtentacion: i hear you
man: how old are you?
xxxtentacion: i’m 18
man: you’re 18 f-cking years old my man. you got mad time ahead of you
xxxtentacion: i love it when people tell me that. you ever see somebody get their tongue cut out?
woman 1: bro!
xxxtentacion: let me ask you something, how old are you?
unidentified woman: 19
xxxtentacion: how old are you?
woman 1: 21
xxxtentacion: you’re 26? you ever seen somebody get their tongue cut out? [unintelligible crosstalk] you ever seen somebody get their tongue cut out? [unintelligible crosstalk]
man: this is crazy. i feel like this is “maury.” [laughter]
xxxtentacion: you ever seen somebody get their tongue cut out?
man: nah
xxxtentacion: you ever seen somebody get raped?
man: nah
xxxtentacion: that’s a lot of sh-t. being 18 don’t got nothing to do with it brah. you ever have to live with the pride of your mother being a stripper when you was younger? you ever seen somebody try to k!ll your mom in front of you?
man: you can’t make that like half of your life—
xxxtentacion: you gotta go through it first. you gotta go through it first
man: —like f-ck up your whole process of thinking—
xxxtentacion: i’m telling you, you gotta go through it
man: nah
xxxtentacion: i feel what you’re saying though, don’t get me wrong, but you have to go through it. you could go get raped and i could tell you suck it up. but every night you go to sleep and you remember what you seen and you remember how it felt and you remember that horrible feeling in your soul. n0body can comfort you. it’s something i gotta deal with
man: i know, i hear you bro. but that’s why they have counseling. you feel me? and people who really care for themselves and their own life, they go there—
xxxtentacion: i don’t care about my life
man: bro you have to care about your life
xxxtentacion: i don’t have to
man: you need to care about your life. i care about my life. to hear somebody else not care about their life, that make me feel some type of way bro
woman 1: first of all, it’s not even that deep, you’re supposed to [unintelligible] hear your heart beat
xxxtentacion: what do you think about that? [slapping sound] f-ck that bro
woman 1: you gotta feel that bro
unidentified woman: there’s many circ-mstances that could [unintelligible]
xxxtentacion: y’all think about it way too—it’s straight bruh. i’ma just be out in the morning [unintelligible]
man: at the end of the day i hear everything you’re saying [unintelligible]
xxxtentacion: [seemingly on the phone] once you get to the parking garage, call me. which floor are we on? [unintelligible] we’ll come down. yeah. all right i’m about to call you right back
man: [unintelligible] at the end of the day, if you see in your life that people’s f-cking you over, you’re supposed to take away yourself from all that f-ckery and all that circle of f-cking you over and put yourself in something—
xxxtentacion: she’s scared. [unintelligible crosstalk] scared and stupid pretty much. [unintelligible crosstalk; door closes]
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